Child Psychology: My Philosophy

First off, let me begin by saying that I believe that we need to change society’s definition of holding a child accountable. For most people, holding a child accountable for wrongful actions simply means that the child pays the price for the challenging behavior displayed.

On the other hand, I think holding a child accountable means that the child is participating in a process in which they are identifying and articulating their own concerns and perspectives, while still taking the caregiver’s into account. Once they have accomplished that, they then can work towards a realistic and mutually satisfactory solution to solve the problem.

This can actually be more effective at holding a child accountable then just imposing your will. The reason for this is because the child is participating in and actually thinking about a plan to reduce the challenging behavior and taking the caregiver’s concerns into account, instead of being on the receiving end of endless demands from you as the caregiver.

I also feel that we as caregivers mustn't stress and over focus on a child’s diagnosis. A diagnosis only states that your child has some sort of mental or developmental ailment. What it doesn’t do is answer the question as to why the child displays defiant, explosive behavior. A negative behavior is merely the child letting you know that they are having difficulty meeting some of your expectations. The only right thing to do is figure out how we can get the child to be able to meet the expectations and improve their behavior in a way that is both collaborative and mutually satisfactory.

Also, we have another main factor to consider: The parenting style each individual child’s parents use.

There are four major recognized parenting styles: authoritative, neglectful, permissive, and authoritarian. Each one carries different characteristics and brings about different reactions in the children which they are used on. I believe we must keep in mind that every parent — child relationship is different, so there is no proper or universal way to go about parenting.

Authoritative parenting is widely regarded by professionals as the most effective and beneficial parenting style for typical children. Authoritative parents are marked by the high expectations that they have of their children, but they temper these expectations with understanding and support for their children as well. This type of parenting is said to create the healthiest environment for a growing child, and helps to foster a productive relationship between the parent and the child.

Neglectful parenting is one of the most harmful styles of parenting that can be used on a child. Neglectful parenting is unlike the other styles in that parents rarely fluctuate naturally into neglectful parenting as a response to child behavior. If a parent recognizes themselves as a neglectful parent, it is important for that parent to understand that they (and the children involved in the situation) need assistance so that they can get back on track to having a healthy and communicative relationship within the family system.

Permissive parenting, also known as indulgent parenting is another potentially harmful style of parenting. These parents are responsive but not demanding. These parents tend to be lenient while trying to avoid confrontation. The benefit of this parenting style is that they are usually very nurturing and loving. The negatives, however, outweigh this benefit. Few rules are set for the children of permissive parents, and the rules are inconsistent when they do exist. This lack of structure causes these children to grow up with little self-discipline and self-control. Some parents adopt this method as an extreme opposite approach to their authoritarian upbringing, while others are simply afraid to do anything that may upset their child. Also, Permissive parenting tends to result in children who rank low in happiness and self-regulation. They are more likely to experience problems with authority and perform poorly in school.

Authoritarian parenting, also called strict parenting, is characterized by parents who are demanding but not responsive. Authoritarian parents allow for little open dialogue between parent and child and expect children to follow a strict set of rules and expectations. They usually rely on punishment to demand obedience or teach a lesson.

All in all, The more quickly parents respond to their child’s needs, the healthier the child will be, psychologically.

Children with parents who respond quickly and who take time to play and interact with them are more securely attached to their caregivers.

In the long run, they’ll tend to be more empathetic, have a healthier sense of self-esteem, and be more mature than children who grew up without responsive caregivers.

I think we need to also be paying attention to if the children we care for have any sort of delays. Just like a child can be delayed in mathematics, a child can also have a delay in emotion regulation, frustration tolerance and irritability. These all tend to lead to behavioral challenges. It is to my belief that behavioral challenges truly are a form of developmental delay.

What I have found in my studies is that typically, children who have behavioral challenges do lack skills in the areas of flexibility and frustration tolerance. According to Dr. Ross W. Greene, in order to help teach these skills to these children we need to teach said children executive skills, language processing skills, emotion regulation skills, cognitive flexibility skills, and social skills.

Thinking of your child as behaving badly disposes you to think of forms of punishment as a means to “treat” the child. Thinking of your child as struggling to handle something difficult encourages you to help them through their distress.

I feel that this approach is important because instead of focusing on psychiatric diagnoses and stating what we already know (which is that an explosive child’s behavior is problematic), we are focusing on the child’s self efficacy. Also, because it is a collaborative approach, it gives the child a feeling of involvement and even control, while seeking to remove the competition between the caregiver and the child!

It can be beneficial to move away from reward and punishment programs, because they can lead to resentment in children, or even them thinking that they should always be rewarded for positive behavior instead of being intrinsically motivated to develop and display positive behaviors. With behaviorist approaches, we must also keep in mind that once the reinforcer or punisher is taken out of the equation, the possibility of the negative behavior returning is a potential problem.

Most parents believe that their child should be dynamic in all skills. However, it seems as if they never accept the principle of individual differences.

Each individual is different that others, with respect to abilities, interests, personalities, level of thinking, etc. If parents can accept each individual child’s differences and needs, they can create the environment that is needed for maximum development of each child.

Another thing I have come to the conclusion to, is that helping your child come to a realization of their differences is beneficial in the fact that they can be more determined when completing tasks given to them because of the clarity and understanding they have regarding their differences.

A child shouldn’t be left in the dark regarding his or her own differences. My reasoning for saying this is because if a child isn’t made aware of their own needs and challenges, they will not know the steps they need to take to be able to satisfy their needs and overcome their challenges.

We must also keep in mind that children are incredibly vulnerable to rejection, ridicule, criticism and anger at home and they deserve to grow up in an environment of safety, acceptance and warmth.

I have also come to the conclusion that the parenting style that is used in the home setting should be the same style the teacher should use in the school setting. If a child is being treated for their difficulties a specific way in the home setting, but a different way in the school setting, it can actually disturb the progress the child is making.

We really need to help the youth of today and make sure we raise them up properly. These kids are our future. If we don’t help them now where it is most needed, we might as well toss out any hope for our future. I hope you can take some of the information I have just given you to heart, and that you can start applying it to your life with your children. Children are the world’s most valuable resource and it’s best hope for the future.