Dodging Bad Romance
There is nothing romantic about a breakup from a romantic relationship. Great Poets have even beautifully romanticized death, but none have been able to romanticize a breakup. Even Philosophers who explain the meaning of life (or the lack thereof), are silent on breakups. A typical Breakup feels like taking a huge loss in the stock market, except here, the investment is emotional. (Not that I am not emotional about money). Breakup is like a platter that is served with drama as the main dish, sprinkled with self-doubt, a curry of anxiety, while anger, and regret as the side dishes. If you had fucked up really bad, you even might find depression seasoning with the meal.
I have had my share of bad relationships. If I could magically go back in time, I would even beat up the younger self to prevent him from getting into those shitty relationships, but technology can only take you so far. After a string of bad relationships and a marriage that failed like a North Korean nuclear missile test, these are the things I learned:
Opposites Don’t Attract in the Long Run — Opposites can attract initially, but it only works if both people have magnetic personalities. For normal people with flaws, opposite natures create problems of adjustment. In my case, we came from very different upbringings and had different opinions on most subjects she was as serious as a pending student loan, and I was as casual as a sports bar. She loved taking offense at little things and I believed in Tao — it was what they call, a classic misalignment with the Universe.
Trust your Intuition- Intuition will tell what reason and other people won’t. It’s our subconscious stepping in to help out when it can't take any more of our stupid decisions; Intuition only works if you trust it, if you follow your intuition with doubt, it won't work. I had strong intuitions not pursuing an MBA, but I still did it, got a job in a fancy multinational, and dated a very ambitious co-worker not because I felt like doing it but because everyone in my circle was doing it (dating in general, not with her). We broke up within a few months, and she started dating the VP. It was only when the VP summoned me multiple times over trivial issues that I realized that I was too fat to run in this corporate rat race.
Putting Yourself First- Your emotions and your feelings matter; you should always put them first. While compromising is necessary for a relationship, the compromise should not involve changing your basic nature or circle of close ones. You should have clear boundaries like that of Australia and if someone wants to push them let them jump into the Pacific.
Don’t share your Secrets- No matter how deep your love is, never share all your secrets, especially about your close friends and family as they can and will be used against you in future arguments. You can’t be 100% sure whether you have read the other person correctly. I thought I read her perfectly but she was not available in Braille. (Love makes you blind and I was as blind as a bat in the mid-day of June)
Read Psychology- Observe and find out the personality type of your prospective partner. Learn about the psychology of such people and then figure out whether you can be compatible. Compatibility is the key to every relationship, however, nowadays locks also come in digital form.
Don’t be too emotional -Look at things from an objective standpoint. Consider whether the unpleasant behavior of your prospective partner was warranted, if not, you need a rethink about the relationship, no matter how cute or nice they are. Be as objective as a bloody MCQ (Multiple Choice Question).
People Change- People change all the time otherwise they would stink. But on a more serious note, people do change, but only when they want to. It is never because you expected them to change so don’t entertain any fancy expectations of molding your partner’s personality by the clay of love.
I am not an expert in relationships or anything else for that matter. ( It’s too much work). Feel free to disregard my advice. However, if in the future, you find that I was right, just remember that I told you to remember the words ‘I told you so’ and try ditching that damn platter.
Here is a great story by Mark Tulin about cutting off useless people.
