How I Met My Soulmate
Or how hope springs eternal and heals
In life, I have learned that things work out when they are meant to work out — most of the time. And if they don’t, that’s fine too, because they make space for brighter possibilities. That’s my take and I am sticking to it.
Many people stress themselves out over not finding the perfect partner. And if one belonged to a family such as mine, there would be the extra pressure to “get married at the right time” and “settle down” — never mind what the individual really wanted to do with her life.
In my case, rebellion easily set in. I certainly did not want an arranged marriage at twenty-one. I had dreams, rather lofty ones, and ignoring all the naysayers who believed I should “obey my elders” I forged ahead, happily.
No, I did not accomplish all my dreams. But I am quite happy, trying.
So back to the topic that drove my folks crazy: finding me a life partner
I was convinced I am not a romantic person until I met my partner.
The thing is, growing up, I was a bit of a tomboy. Blame my uncles for leading me to believe that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to.
While my classmates pored over Mills & Boon and Georgette Hayers and other romantic novels, I was addicted to PG Wodehouse and the Sudden series (western novels by Oliver Strange and Frederick Christian). I also secretly read Harrold Robbins novels without the covers because my folks didn’t think I was old enough to read them.
In college, while I had male friends, I did not have “boyfriends”. I scoffed at the very idea of dating.
I chose a male-dominated career and most of my male friends saw me as “one of the boys.” One even went so far as to say this:
“You’re not really good ‘girlfriend material’! You come across as too confident and you have this bad habit of seeing solutions every time there’s a problem. Men expect women to be helpless damsels in distress so that they could protect, you know.”
Hmph! Really!
I guess I gave the guy a complex changing our flat tire when we were out on a date and it was really his ego speaking.
Nevertheless, I’ve been very lucky in friendship — and since we are talking about romantic love, even connections that seemingly got off to a rocky start became strong friendships! It always takes two, you know. Or even three.
Even my first ever real date, thoughtfully orchestrated by my best friend, looked like a disaster but turned into a friendship subsequently after we let go of the pressure to get involved.
Okay, I confess I just ate the lovely red rose he gifted me, petal by petal. I like red roses. He kept me waiting in the car while he sprinted across the road to pick up ice cream. What to do?
Yes, I was not easy to pair off.
My folks and well-wishers were mystified by this. I was personable, even pretty by some people’s standards, fun to be with, intelligent — so what was the problem?
A tiny little thing called attitude, I suspect.
So anyway, Life went on. I had amazing friends, both male and female. I say amazing, because I still have these people in my life, in my heart.
“All that is very well. But what about your life partner, Vidya?” my mom asked constantly.
“Oh, I don’t think I want to get married,” I’d say.
“But you love children. And life is wonderful when you live with someone you love,” she said.
“Ah. I could always adopt right?” I’d answer.
“Not quite the same as being a full family,” she’d say, with a tinge of sadness.
Then I’d hug her because I knew I could never win this argument with her. I’d tell her that whatever was meant to happen would happen when it was meant to.
She’d hug me back and say “Sooner the better.”
When I turned 33, my family’s tension meter was at an all-time high. I was over the hill, according to them. I was cool, though. I was doing very well career-wise and my best friend was on my side. It was easier to face the pressure together from our folks.
And then it happened
My best friend got engaged. I was thrilled, little knowing what it meant for me. Now my mom had a solid ally to bully me into finding someone pronto.
They gave every male I knew the eye. Of course, it was embarrassing. And a bit hilarious. I wasn’t even remotely romantically inclined towards any of them.
You see, in India, we have this tradition of a ‘boy’ coming to see the ‘girl’ at her place, usually accompanied by his folks. The girl was expected to dress up and present herself to the boy’s family, who were then treated to a grand high tea. I found that absolutely ridiculous and refused to do it.
How can you solve a problem like Vidya? 🎵
Then they hit upon the brilliant idea of going through the matrimonial ads in the Sunday newspaper. Surely they’d find ‘a suitable boy’?
Nothing worked out.
Months passed.
Then mom had to travel. She made my friend promise that in her absence we’d continue the good work of finding me the perfect match.
Sunday arrived. So did the newspaper.
Armed with our coffees, we decided to have fun looking at the ads.
When we were about to heave a sigh — me, of relief and she, exasperation — an ad caught my eye.
Very un-matrimonial-ish.
I thought, why not respond, just to get these people off my back?
I did. In my own style. And attached a photo of me with my friend’s dog. Gasp!
Believe it or not, I got a reply.
I was intrigued and decided to meet the guy when I visited his town the next month for a sales conference.
We met and had a wonderful day.
We promised to keep in touch.
We wrote to each other. Snail mail days, you know. Me, I’d write letters I parceled to him while he would be brief. We talked on the phone, too. Ah, landlines!
We took our time to decide where we wanted our relationship to go.
On 27th September, my birthday, he proposed.
I accepted.
Then he told me he was off overseas for three months from October.
When I told my folks, they were sure I was pulling a fast one on them just to buy time.
They were clearly thinking of the story of the boy who cried wolf.
Anyway, my fiance was due to return in January the next year, which wasn’t that far away.
I quit my job in January. My folks were shocked. Who quits a good job? Well, I knew I was going to another city anyway and thought it would do me good to take a couple of months off before returning to work.
He came home and met my mom.
Turned out our families knew each other — one more proof that it is a small world.
We got married on 9th Feb.
Did I mention we actually connected in Feb of the previous year? On the ninth.
We are living almost happily ever after. I must mention here that we’re very different personalities but we have a strong foundation of love. Perhaps love does conquer all — although I’d list a good sense of humor as a basic necessity for any relationship.
I believe good things come — most of the time — to those who wait.
I think I can safely say that there’s always hope even when it seems like there isn’t and it brings infinite healing to all parties concerned.
My loving message to all those still waiting for the perfect soulmate? Keep the faith. And your sense of humor.
Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles ❤ Did you smile today?
I love Medium and the wonderful writers I engage with. One of the reasons I write is to support underprivileged children. Currently, the Medium Partner Program is not open to writers based in India. Would you consider buying me a cup of coffee? Thank you so much!
Read this brilliant piece by Jimmy Misner Jr.
