SATIRE
Things About Mindfulness You May Not Know
I’m here to help you never think again
On second thoughts, some people don’t think at all.
(Warning: This essay is not suitable for unaccompanied politicians.)
Of course, the term mindfulness can be confusing. The whole point is to empty your mind, so it’s completely full of nothing but idle grey spongy matter with your synapses not sparking.
I do that a lot!
Let’s not confuse that unlit space inside your skull with dark matter which continues to puzzle quantum physicists. It’s conspicuous by its absence, like when your friend doesn’t pitch up for your luncheon date and you infer something’s missing but can’t quite put your finger on it because she’s not there and you’re not sure if she ever was there for you in the first place.
You decide to eat alone and know for sure why the food is missing — you ate it. Can feel it rumbling in your tummy. Saw it on your plate and take full responsibility for its disappearance. If it lingers in your tummy — that’s indigestion, NOT dark matter.
Here comes my third thought, though I’m unsure what the first was because I began with second thoughts.
