Dude, It’s July 26th and My New Year’s Resolution is Still Going Strong

This is What I’ve learned

Bones 7/29/2016

I see resolutions as setting yourself up for failure, because sure you’re going to go to the gym every day, sure you won’t eat the cheesecake in front of your face, of course you’ll read 700 books this year, you’ll travel the world, save more money, clean out every corner of your house, get rid of useless crap and finish that novel. The possibilities are endless.

Except the human mind isn’t designed to work that way. You don’t just wake up a different, changed person because you said you would. That’s why I’ve never done resolutions before.

For instance, it would be unrealistic for someone to say, I’m going to wake up tomorrow and start a healthy diet. A more realistic goal would be to slowly remove evil foods while replacing them with fresh grown produce. Your more likely to have changed your lifestyle a year from now.

This year I decided I would defy science and develop my own screwball New Year’s resolution and stick to it, an obtainable goal, and so far I have.

I’ve read so many articles about people who wake up before the sun each day. It makes them more productive and more motivated. It gives them the time they need to go for a run (something I would never do) or meditate (something I do 18 times a day while huffing lavender oil like an anxiety ridden crackhead). It lifts their spirits, creates more interest in their 9–5 jobs, enhances their personal relationships and sparks their creativity. It makes them feel good about themselves and provides a super charged, super happy lifestyle, or whatever.

That all sounds so fabulous, I thought. I want in, and so it began. On the night of January 1, 2017 I set my alarm for 5:00 AM and have been waking up at 5:00 AM every day since.

This is what I’ve learned:

I’m tired.

I’m feel hateful when I hear the alarm clock sounding off to the Mission Impossible theme song.

My cats climb all over me making it impossible to increase my productivity, stay motivated or even physically move.

I need to eat a second breakfast by 9:00 AM.

It’s a one mile walk around the pond and I start to feel as if I’ll fall over half way through lap three.

There are a great deal of random animal sounds in Iowa at sunrise.

At 1:00 PM I think, It’s been eight hours since I woke up. Time for a nap.

The next time I look at the clock I think, oh shit, I slept for three hours.

People that wake up at 5:00 AM on purpose and have a positive attitude are better people than I am.

I now drink nine cups of coffee instead of one.

Because I woke up at 5:00 AM this morning I was able to write this rather pointless story.

I can’t say the past seven months and twenty six days of starting my day at 5:00 AM has helped me to be more productive, motivated or any of the positive blah blah blah ways others have claimed it’s effected them, but I can say I’m still holding out hope that maybe come January 2018 I’ll see some type of positive lifestyle change, and if not, I’ll start sleeping in and say, fuck it.

If you’ve enjoyed my story then head over to my Patreon and check out my super awesome writing projects and rewards!

You can follow my cats on “The Crazy Cat Lady Photo Blog.” Com’on, you know you want to.