emotion#26: Confusion

So how about those moments when you don’t know what you feel?

As I write this series I have been taking inspiration from this list of feelings provided by the Center for Nonviolent Communication.

Everyday I look at the list and I choose one emotion: it can be what I am feeling at the moment, or simply a word that I feel like telling a story about.

I also use this list daily to help me get in tune with myself. Every morning, as I am journaling, I look at it, and I search for the word that best describes the current frequency of my heart (I wrote about it here, if you’re interested).

However, there are days in which I just don’t know. The list, usually a precious navigation tool, looks like a map without names, a compass that points nowhere.

In those days, everything else is a blur as well. I go through the morning automatically — grateful for the routines I have previously established — because my decision power is null. I am good at agreeing and at suppressing my true wants and needs, only to do what’s easier.

In those days, I build up some sort of charge that later on will have to come out, one way or another. In those days, although I don’t realize it, I trigger something in the future. This is neither good nor bad; it’s like some kind of premonition, the certainty that things will change, and that I will be the one changing them.