emotion#29: Nervousness

(part 3 of 3)

Photo by the author.

It’s 7h30 am and water runs down Sarah’s face. The warmth of the shower is comforting and she struggles to switch it off.

As she postpones the shocking coldness of the bathroom air, she contemplates the possibility of staying there forever. She wouldn’t have to face the cold, or Joe in her bed, or another day at the office she hates. She wouldn’t have to pretend that she is perfect. If she would stay in that warm moment forever, she wouldn’t have to see all those uncomfortable people again, and existence would be pure enjoyment.

She thinks of deadlines, unmet goals, and estranged family members. Suddenly, her mind is crowded with impossibilities and she feels crippled. “How can I ever leave this coziness? Is it even worth trying?”

But then she remembers love and how it felt to be a child. She remembers banana ice cream and Christmas, and she remembers Joe in her bed. In a moment of lucidity, she breaks through, and all around her is a world of blue skies and tropical landscapes. She has no where to hide because there is no reason to hide, and inside her head feels like a warm fuzzy pillow where she can let her imagination thrive, safely, surely, up and beyond.