How big are our fears really?

If you want to go immediately to the teeth story look for the *

This Gabby Bernstein seems to be following me. I really have enough reading material and I don’t need to pick up another book. I unsubscribed myself to the emails encouraging me to sign up to the spiritual junkie master class. I have just looked it up and it is full. There is obviously a huge demand.

I decided that I am learning heaps from Medium as a writer and reader of your writings and need to give my time to this.

So I am in the library yesterday and I take a cursory look at the books on self-help and who is waving at me? Gabrielle Bernstein. I surrender and borrow her book ‘Miracles Now’.

I am on day 2 and Gabby encourages me to list my top 10 fears. These days I go with what comes first as it saves a lot of time;

  1. Death
  2. Loss of a child
  3. Lack of money
  4. Being alone
  5. Rats
  6. Football
  7. Violence
  8. Doing something wrong
  9. Rejection
  10. Being responsible for another’s unhappiness

She then suggests I look at how they may have dominated my life, again I am trying to go with what comes not deliberating;

  1. Death — I had a fear of flying for a time so I guess that was connected to dying
  2. Loss of child — well while I listed it, it hasn’t dominated my life as I have a child and let her take risks although I do sometimes hold fears
  3. Lack of money — maybe it stopped me from buying a bigger place
  4. Alone — maybe it stops me from doing some things as I wouldn’t do them on my own? I would miss the company of people
  5. Rats — can’t quite explain it but I have a fear yet an attraction to them. I don’t mind watching them from a distance. I did hold a pet rat once. Seeing 3 of them stopped me walking to the petrol/gas station.
  6. Football — I think this symbolises me not liking performing in the spotlight well at something I am not great at. It could be football, it could be reverse parking
  7. Violence — I just hate the idea of violence being used against me
  8. Doing something wrong — do I fear my own anger that it could become aggressive or losing control and have ‘a moment of madness’
  9. Rejection — not wanted, not loved, not to be connected to someone would be awful
  10. Being responsible for another’s unhappiness — I hate the idea that my actions could make someone miserable, that said it didn’t stop me from being committed to people but it did make consider the price before committing.

The positive outcome of this exercise was things I listed as fears have not really stopped me from doing what I really wanted to do. I perhaps avoid situations if I can but life being as it is will throw us out of our comfort zones and we will swim and if we sink we will eventually float to the top anyway.

*For those of you who like a story, this is for you. The exercise reminded me of a great experience of dealing with an imagined fear versus the real thing.

A few years ago I had to have root canal treatment though my dentist referred me to a specialist. The specialist’s address was Harley Street, London. Initially, I thought, “I am not paying that price for treatment” but then valuing my teeth I decided it was worth the price.

Of course, this meant that the dentist offers you gimmicks like goggles to watch a film while he goes to work. When I was offered I said, “O no it is ok I like to be present while you do the work.”

Now somehow he did not understand what I meant and fitted the goggles to his work. This meant as he drilled and everything else I watched via the goggles. I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it but I did. I saw no blood and after the experience, the mystery of dentistry was gone. What I imagined in my head I learned through the experience was based on fear and not reality.

I am beginning to think that we magnify our fears. If we take the time to do an exercise, such as the above, we may see that although they are there they don’t dominate us.

I appreciate that at times they dominate and irrational fear can rob us of living though equally perhaps we can give our fears too much space in our heads. If we write them down we may well see how small they really are.

See you tomorrow,

g.

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