Is writing a form of drag that allows us to express our deepest self?

Remind me the next time to take a photo of the book cover!

One thing I have noticed as I have gotten older is my ability to make friends has lessened.

I was reminded of this today as I unexpectedly got a few hours in the town library. Yes, I have books to read, I have periodicals in my rucksack but I still love to go the Spirituality, Self-Help section in the library and randomly pick a few books.

I took the photo of the back of one the books and now I can’t remember the title. I swear it was called Friendship though I can’t find it even with Google’s help.

It was the first quote that grabbed me, “At school, friendship is a passion. It entrances the being, it tears the soul.”

Yes although Disraeli published Coningsby in 1844 his quote still rings true for me.

I have a notion, as the years roll on, that men suffer more, in the friendship department than women. As I cast my mind back to school male friendship was everything and girls were an extra. Yet as the relationships stabilise it seems, maybe it is just my experience, that male friendship drifts.

We go from being almost totally uninhibited teenager boys to becoming inhibited men. It is almost as if we have forgotten how to be at ease with ourselves as image and status isolate us.

As youths we cared less about what we had yet as an adult it is as if you have to have…. a car or two and a big new one…… a house or two and a big one. Yet the male soul stills needs to be nourished with friendship and the walls of social status needs to be penetrated with humour and brotherhood.

My eyes drop to Gore Vidal quote, “Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies.” Sure jealousy is a factor in youth though does it really diminish us when a friend succeeds?!

Ok, we can have a pang of jealousy but we can move it quickly to celebrating their success.

The last substantive male friendships I made were at University and that was 24 years ago. Yes, I am still in regular contact with two of them though both live miles away. In recent years I have rekindled friendships from school but they are even further miles away.

Right here in this little corner of England, I don’t have strong male friendships.

I have to admit time has changed me and I welcome time alone to recharge. I spend a great part of the day talking to people in an intense and deep manner. Maybe the side effect of that is I need time alone to recharge.

Social media is a silver lining though it has changed how we communicate. It suits me as I reply when I chose. Medium has given me a platform to be more honest than I would be in person. I say things here that I probably wouldn’t talk about unless I knew you well. So what is that about?

I think it tells me that I want to be open, honest and vulnerable but as I said about social media it allows me to do it on my terms. In person I would rarely be so open, honest and vulnerable.

Perhaps like a drag queen medium allows me to adopt another image in which I can express what I find difficult in my day clothes. Am I making sense?

g.

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