Well, here it is. I’m in the midst of a stressful time. Too many projects, people, events, organizations pulling at me. Worthy, good projects, events, organizations, people. And I am feeling it. Overwhelmed.
In the past, I had a very trusted friend to turn to at these times. Her name is Sugar and she and I go way, way, way back. Man is she sweet.
Unfortunately, Sugar has a darker side. She’s super seductive and yet pretends she’s totally innocent. Trust me. She is anything but.
Sugar whispered in my ear. She told me it would all be better and she’d make it all OK. Honestly, she took my mind off all that ailed me and it felt like she loved me, wanted to sooth me. She was oh so good at first……. But, there was a problem. Once Sugar took hold of me, it didn’t take long until I couldn’t really think of anything else but her. When we hooked up I was complete and whole and nothing else existed in the world. When we finished our rendezvous I was so satisfied.
For a moment.
It never took long and I was waiting until I could just see her again.
A few weeks back, post-entirely too many frozen dark chocolate Justin peanut butter cups, post-coffee cream panettone, post truffle chocolates, and croissants, and miscellaneous holiday treats, I looked up and knew I had to end it. She was controlling my day, my life, my world.
Ah, now, I have to do things differently. I actually have to cope with the stress and the discomfort I’m feeling. With the “it’s all too much” and “I’m not enough.” It’s painful. It hurts. And yet I’m making a choice, a brave choice, to FEEL.
You see, I’ve given myself permission this time around. Yes, you can feel scared. You can feel overwhelmed. You can feel worry and frustration and fear. You can feel not enough and that it’s all too much. And even with all those very, very forbidden, uncomfortable, overwhelming feelings, you can be present and you do not have to call Sugar up to come over. I promise. Sit with the feelings and they will morph, change, transform. As I write, they already are…..
So, here’s the question. Who’s your Sugar? Who are you having an affair with that isn’t serving you? Alcohol? Pills? Shopping? A bad relationship?
Feelings are easy to stuff down for a time being. We can stuff them down with sugar, or alcohol, or a multitude of other substances that don’t serve us. Or we can give them permission to exist. To be. “Hello darkness my old Friend,” as Paul Simon sang.
Deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Release…..
The affair is over. Sugar made false promises. Dang, I loved her but she did me wrong. I know it won’t be easy to not take her back. But, I also know there is one thing that can make it much easier. Permission to feel, to be, to let whatever it is wash over, rise and fall like the ocean waves. I don’t need Sugar if I actually give me, me.