Love at first sight or the first sight is love?
Saturday morning, after we return from ‘piano’, is my time to clean. I give myself until lunch time and what gets done between 11 and 1 is what is done.
Up until recently Amy Winehouse’s ‘Back to Back’ album would play as I scrubbed. Then last summer I discovered Marianne Williamson. Marianne is perhaps the foremost teacher of ‘A Course in Miracles’ (ACIM). Each Tuesday night she gives a lecture at Marble Collegiate Church, New York City. The event is live streamed and available to be watched for a period of time after the event. Saturday morning is my time to listen while I clean.
Yesterday as I listened I had one of those moments when I had to stop, switch off the Hoover, reach for my notepad, pen and write what I had just heard her say,
“…… that moment when your eyes lock in a room you are given a gift, you see that person in their true state. It is everything after, like not putting the lid on the toothpaste, that is the illusion.”
For many of us, we always thought ‘love at first sight’ was only romantic love ‘ falling in love’ yet here ACIM was saying it may well be but is also something much powerful, it is seeing the person in their perfected state!
I can cast my mind and think of maybe four people with who I had that experience, all before I was 23. The first one was when I was 11 and the last one was when I was 23. Now I can think of 3 in between. Is it strange to say that I still have a place in my heart for each one of them, there was something special about each one even though the relationship may not have ended well ( now another pops into my head, how many can there be?).
I sound confused and maybe we have confused romantic love with seeing the perfected state of the other. The sight of my daughter being taken from her mother’s womb and placed into my hands, still bloodied ( I think they cleaned her off with a towel but ‘bloodied’ gives it dramatic effect), was the most powerful perfected moment of my life.
And, you know, this is us, we are perfect before we start. We don’t need to add to this state and to do so diminishes our state at least in our own eyes. The more we work to prove ourselves the more obstructions we place before our true state. It is like a sacred room that we have left, closed the door, locked it and littered the path away from it with obstructions as if we never, never want to return to it.
I am wondering have I confused eroticism with seeing others in their perfected state? And here I am admitting what we all know I have seen others in their perfected state though dismissed it as lust. Yet if what is being said has a truth there is no reason why we can’t see this in many. I am beginning to think that we see something of it in the friendships we form.
But here’s the challenge can we see our enemy, the irritant, in the perfected state? Of course, though we usually chose not to.
I have a saying about those who irritate me or who I see as difficult, “If they were in the supermarket queue I am sure we would have a pleasant conversation and I would see them in a different light.”
The difficulty is usually to do with a power, or at least a perceived, differential.
For those of us who feel we have fallen far from that ‘first sight’ moment maybe we have got to break through all those obstructions and enter once again the sacred room into which our true self lives.