What I Would Create if I Had the Funding


This is my studio. I spend a great deal of time in here. This is where I paint, create forms of art and build things- mostly out of useless household items such as the solar generator on my work bench in this photograph.

What you can’t see in this picture is the table on the opposite side of the room where I sit and write. I keep writing separate from art because I become too easily distracted by one or the other. I’m equally as excited about both. I struggle not to throw myself into it all.

What I would create if I had funding is more time to be creative.

If I had the funding I would create various virtual journalism projects. I already have a list of ideas I’m anxious to get to. I would publish them on Youtube for the world to view, clicking video after video of my extraordinary tales.

I would spend more time getting out to art festivals to show my work. For now it piles up in my studio. I considered making an Instagram to show it but that also takes time. Maybe some day.

I would spend more time writing personal essays and perhaps independently publish a book of those essays. I don’t believe I have a novel in me but I do feel confident I have enough personal essay to add up to something, depending of course, if anyone is interested in reading what I write.

For now I’m doing freelance work to pay the bills. I do it because I can, not because I enjoy it. There are so many constraints and it’s never my story that’s published. It’s the frame work of my story an editor asked me to revise so many times to meet their needs- it no longer feels like my story.

I’ve been applying for part time jobs in the town where I live and surrounding towns close to home. Woman with PhD applies for job at McDonald's. I never did receive a call from them. I kind of feel like a loser.

I did have two interviews for a part time gig at the insurance agency in the town square, but they told me they hired someone more qualified. I felt offended. I make coffee and answer phones every day. I’m qualified.

Between freelance opportunities and a part time job I’d be making bank (no I wouldn’t.) Such is life.

I would have better luck finding work in these parts if I had a CDL, were a nurse, a swine operator (whatever that means) or a herdsman.

Part time work isn’t worth the time or gas to drive to the city. When I do the math, I’d break even money wise but not time wise. I’d lose more time and therefore create less.

But still, who doesn’t have bills to pay?

For now I’ll keeping on sputtering and doing what I can with what I’ve got, but if I had the funding it would open up a whole new world of creativity for me.