Legacy: My Dad’s Continued Impact

“When you lose a parent, the world is off its axis and it never rights itself.” — Paul Rudd

There was a time in my life that I didn’t think I had anything left to learn from my dad. I suppose that thought isn’t entirely uncommon for a young man, but for me it reflected the complicated and painful relationship he and I had. I am eternally grateful that we repaired our relationship over the course of several years, which has allowed me to reflect on our relationship in a more objective and healthy light. I know now that I learned so much from him and his influence made me a better man and leader.

My dad died almost two years ago, somewhat unexpectedly. It really shouldn’t have been unexpected- he was 74 and had suffered from multiple health issues for years. Each time I saw him in person, I was struck by what his age and illnesses were doing to him. Yet I never fully acknowledged that fragility or embraced that our time together was finite until he died.

Fortunately, we had put a lot of work into repairing our relationship. We were able to overcome (or at least set aside) years of painful tension caused by divorce, physical distance, and foolish pride. It took a very long time and the repair wasn’t linear, but we took countless baby steps towards one another, rebuilding trust and re-establishing our bond. I look back with pride that we did it, and did it with enough time left to put some distance between us and those darker days.

As I reflected this Father’s Day and approach the second anniversary of his passing, I feel it’s fitting to reflect on what he taught me, a perspective I often overlooked in the past. In the wake of Father’s Day, less than two years removed from his death, I am moved to share part of his legacy.

Work Hard

One of the most significant lessons my dad taught me was the value of hard work. An accountant by profession, he had the heart of a blue-collar worker. He was tireless as an accountant, but worked just as hard on home projects, his farm, or tending to his beagle kennel. His dedication to hard work, whether in his career or hobbies, was something I admired and sought to emulate. He had high expectations for me, which was often challenging, but it instilled in me the belief that hard work could achieve great things.

Take Care of Yourself

As hard as he worked, Dad also knew the dangers of living a life of work alone. His father died at an early age from the complications of heart disease, and he battled heart problems and high stress from a young age. Whatever his reasons, Dad always checked in with me about how hard I was working, how high my stress was, and what I was doing to keep it manageable. He was proud of the work I was doing, but cared more about how I was doing. More importantly, he modeled balance. He loved breeding his dogs, listening to music, enjoying meditation, and spending quiet moments with family.

Never Stop Improving

My dad never stopped trying to be a better person. Especially towards the end of his life, he was introspective and reflective. He didn’t have everything figured out, nor did he repair every wound, but he consistently sought self-improvement. It showed me that none of us are perfect but we can always be better. The combination of striving to be better while accepting imperfections is a beautiful balance, and one that I have sought to model for my own family. It’s about not settling in our flaws but continually seeking growth.

Ultimately, isn’t that the essence of our time on earth? If each generation can take what they received from those before them and improve upon it, even slightly, that’s a success. My dad managed to do that for me, and I have worked to do the same for everyone I’ve led, especially my children. By wrestling with my imperfections and continually striving to be a better person, husband, and father, I aim to make a meaningful impact. If I can achieve that, I’ll be content with the legacy I leave behind.