Plane. Rude. Leadership.
I’m not sure where to start this blog, but perhaps at 3,000 feet is the right place.
About that time, er, altitude, the guy sitting to my left began to initiate the airplane version of The People’s Elbow (see the footnote if you only know Dwayne Johnson from the big screen).
This man had his laptop out — which he had not stored for takeoff (warning sign!) — and was banging away. Literally, his fingers were making impressively loud poundings upon the keyboard.
I took my laptop out and began to ponder the acute pain in my forearm. Had I developed carpal tunnel simply by observing this man smash keystrokes, starting the moment after the boarding door had closed? Alas, no…instead, the pain was coming from the man flinging his elbow across the armrest when I attempted to establish any type of typing position. Fun times in the friendly skies.
Seriously, this guy was pushing hard against my arm, with his elbow unnecessarily bent at nearly ninety degrees. He did not have long limbs. So he could have easily straightened his arm somewhat, keeping it a bit closer to his side, and doing this would still have allowed him to comfortably access his laptop — and would allowed me to do the same. But instead, he was flexing his triceps (I could feel that: yuck) like a teenager at the beach, and he was acting like a child who refused to share his toy. Oh, and simultaneously he was also pushing against my foot, trying to extend his leg under the middle seat in front of me.
Truly this was an amazing experience. Just amazing in the wrong way.
I thought he’d respond to my “Uhhh, sir?” But then I saw his earbuds and noticed him scrolling through music options on his phone. And then social media. Then back to music.
Then attacking his laptop again.
I sat back in 18E and deliberated. No wait, I leaned forward to do that…because of Agent Armrest’s believing he had eminent domain over my ribcage.
What was the adult thing to do here? What was the leader thing to do?
I quickly ruled out elbow joust (okay, maybe not a quickly as I should have): too immature. I thought about resorting to flight attendant intervention, but no: too irresolute — leaders aren’t passive. And I did consider trying to talk to the “gentleman” again, but also no: too illogical…really, was an active, actual space invader going to listen to reason on the topics of charity and civility?
Leadership is a function, to be clear. But leadership is a mindset, also. A fortified way of thinking over time.
Of course, we must use wisdom to adjust our leadership styles/approaches to best fit individuals and situations. But we should never abandon our leadership mindset, no matter what individuals or situations we encounter.
I’m persuaded that a proper leadership mindset is an others-centric one. Now, the man sitting to my left had very little “others awareness,” perhaps because he did not have much self-awareness. (Interesting how those two go together.)
However, just because he did not demonstrate self-awareness and others-centricity did not mean that I did not have to demonstrate these. After all, leading only when comfortable or convenient is not really leading at all. Similarly, leadership is not behaving how I’d prefer in response to others behaving how they’d prefer.
We will all find ourselves in like situations eventually. When our team isn’t present. When our organization isn’t involved. When we’re in a bizarre situation. When no one we know is watching.
Yet we still have to lead…ourselves, first, and thereby, we might also lead others outside our normal sphere of influence.
So, what did I do?
Well, I chose to practice the preaching of a leader I followed in college, coach Bill Curry. During times of stress/strain (read: pre-season conditioning), coach Curry would remind us that “a man can do anything for one minute.” By that he meant that individuals can endure long, taxing challenges if they focus on “winning” just one moment at a time — and keep that focus for the duration of the struggle.
My “struggle” lasted pretty much the entire flight between Cincinnati and Salt Lake City. But I committed to winning each moment along the way (which is another solid leadership mindset). For me, winning here meant meant working with only one functional hand but still getting my work done. Winning here meant not fussing even though I was frustrated. Winning here meant not retaliating even though I was wronged.
Little victories, yes, but important ones…because growing my capacity to control self equals growing my capacity to influence others.
Maybe even the guy in 18D.
