We Should Stop Saying “My Door is Always Open”
Okay, maybe some of us should stop.
I spent over a quarter century as an officer in the U.S. Army, an organization whose first stated value is Selfless Service. Leaders in the Army are taught, through both formal education and cultural exposure, to eat last, sleep last, and be available 24/7. An Army commander is, by regulation, required to have an Open Door Policy. Prudent for leaders is to prioritize presence and engagement with those we lead. We should, however, be aware that high engagement and continual presence can be draining and can potentially diminish our capacity to lead. Looking out for others and acting selflessly is right-minded and appropriate but should not be viewed as sacred.
In my twenty-six years of experience in leadership positions, I learned a lot about myself, my personality, what energizes me, and what takes away my energy. My formal leadership training indicated that effective leaders are selfless leaders, but over time I came to understand that my ability to lead effectively suffered when I neglected setting aside time for myself to breathe, think, and reflect. In other words, I was not the best leader I could be unless I acted, just a little bit, selfishly. Initially, I perceived this need for “me-time,” for solitude, as a personality flaw or something to be fixed. And I found myself grinding more — against what my mind and body were telling me: That I’m supposed to be a leader, which means I’m supposed to be always-available and ever-present, with a door that never closes.
By the time I went home each day, I was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. As responsibility and stressors increased, so did my need to decompress nightly, often at the expense of quality time with my family. Weekends were spent recovering from the work week, only to re-enter the vortex again on Monday. With the increased tension, my relationships suffered, exacerbating the feeling that I needed to give more of myself, and I just needed to grind harder to fulfill my personal and professional responsibilities. I tried to solve my exhaustion “problem” the same way I had learned to solve all problems — by working harder. Thus, I created a continual spin cycle of feeling like I wasn’t giving enough and feeling the exhaustion of giving everything that I had.
Over time, however, self-reflection helped me to recognize that what I was doing was counterproductive. I didn’t need to grind more, I needed to grind less. I needed to close my door. I needed to take care of myself to be able to take care of others.
And the more I intentionally carved out personal time, the more energy I felt at the end of the day, at the end of the week. I had more endurance and no longer found myself aiming to just “make it through.” I wasn’t dragging myself across the finish line.
Of course, my newfound energy allowed me to be more fully present and engaged with my family and everyone else in my life. …meaning that this small investment in me paid great dividends for others. In other words, by creating personal space, I became a better version of myself, which made me more available to and effective for those I served.
Two steps were critical to the implementation of my “Not Always Open Door Policy.” First, I owned who I am — and shared that with others. I transparently communicated that I am an introvert and thus am vulnerable to becoming overexposed to constant social interaction. Second, and more importantly, I owned the management of the policy change. I immediately got the sense that those closest to me wanted to help me manage this policy— even felt pressure to help. Consequently, I had to clearly state that managing my time and energy was my responsibility, not theirs. Yes, others could do things to support me; but (ironically, perhaps) I was the only one who could make the necessary effort to ensure that I did not become exhausted.
We’re all wired differently. Some of us seek all the personal and social interaction we can get. Some of us don’t want any. And some of us are in the middle. That said, all leaders should feel a responsibility to those we lead, and being present and available to teammates must be a priority. However, no leaders should neglect taking time to retreat, think, and breathe…else our energy — and subsequently, our presence — will gradually wane.
If you are a leader who really wants your door always open, feel free to do so. Just know that it’s also okay to close it occasionally, as this can benefit you and those you lead.
