“I walked out on the doctor when she told me I was pregnant. I was angry” — Oyindamola Oludapo
Launching Families by Houseriver
This series covers diverse stories about what it takes to start a family from planning a wedding to having a baby, raising children, and other milestones that happen within families.
In the second issue, we interview Mrs. Oyindamola Oludapo who tells us about getting married young, quitting her job after pregnancy, and how her family navigates expenses with one steady source of income.
Married at 23 years after 7 months of dating: Meet Mrs. Oyindamola Oludapo
Please introduce yourself to us
My name is Oyindamola Oludapo, I’m a Content Creator, a Pastor, a Counsellor and a Mom, I think that’s all there is to me now.
You didn’t date your husband for up to a year before you got married, tell us about how you made that decision in that period.
So I started talking to my husband on April 1st, 2021. We talked for three months before he asked me out and we started dating.
Even before we started dating, it’s safe to say that we already knew we would get married. We weren’t just having little talks and chats here and there, it was all serious conversations.
I remember telling my husband (boyfriend then) that I felt like I was in an interview with him because he was asking many serious questions. I caught up with the energy as well and started asking my questions.
We had fully courted before we even started dating. So the relationship just solidified what we had already built on during the talking stage.
How long was the talking stage?
We started talking in April and by July we started dating. So about three months.
So what would you say is the ideal length for a talking stage?
I’ve said it before and I’ll always say it. I don’t think any talking stage should exceed three or four months. Three months even!
Whatever you need to know about anyone can be covered within three months. That’s enough to ask questions and make your decision.
You got married at age 23. That’s when most ladies, at least in this part of the world, are still figuring out their lives.
What was life like before getting into that relationship?
So I started living alone about a year before I met my husband. I had a job that paid me well and I had things figured out.
I was very comfortable and self-aware because I had done some work on myself by swallowing knowledge. I watched videos and followed women who had done well for themselves.
My husband will always say that when he met me, he couldn’t even believe that I was 21 — that was when he met me. And that if he knew my age before we started talking, he wouldn’t have started talking to me. He always says that I was the most self-aware and mature person he knew at that age.
So it’s safe to say that I had things figured out, not just financially but with wisdom and self.
Who influenced you to have this unusual maturity at that age? Parents?
Did my parents play a role? I won’t say positively or negatively and I’ll explain.
From childhood, I remember when my senior sister and I told my mom that we didn’t want to get married. We did that because even if we didn’t see a bad marriage around us we didn’t see any encouraging one.
And I remember my mom giving the typical African mother response, “God forbid! Don’t pronounce rubbish into your life!”, instead of asking why we said so.
I said that to say, I’m the type of person who likes to have conversations like these — I like to think ahead. I won’t particularly say that anyone influenced my ‘unusual maturity’.
Growing up, my parents were really strict. My siblings and I never went to boarding school or visited families or friends, it was always us at home and a few of our cousins who lived nearby.
So moving from secondary school to university, meeting different people — bold, confident, from different backgrounds — I realized I had a lot of work to do on myself and that was really when it started.
Also, after I graduated from university and I was about to go for NYSC, my dad wanted to work it for me to Ibadan and I didn’t want that. I worked it myself to Lagos. I had to be a little bit rebellious even though my dad was angry, to break out of that ‘cage’. If I didn’t do that, I’d still be pampered, single, and at home.
I think standing your ground is so important, even though your parents know what’s best for you but there’ll come a time when you need to take ownership of yourself.
Did you and your husband decide how long to date before getting married?
Sort of.
While we were dating, we talked about getting married in July 2022. We had conversations around it, so we knew the year we would get married.
Were you both actively planning financially to start your family before or after the proposal? How did it go?
Hmm. It was God who helped us.
At the time, I was doing financially better than my husband.
Someone gifted us a year’s rent for the place we wanted to move into after we got married. It was a great location and apartment and just perfect. We received many monetary gifts. Sincerely, it was God.
Also, being conscious that a wedding is just for a day and the marriage is the most important thing, we decided to sort out other things we needed for the apartment before we started spending on the wedding.
We agreed that, if we had 4 million in savings and spent 2 million on furnishing our house, we’d use the rest for the wedding and that’s exactly what we did.
We wanted something small for the wedding with only 200 guests, and we stuck to it.
Having Isabella: Angry at the news, quitting my job, becoming a content creator.
Did you both agree to have a child right after your wedding?
Honestly, that was one conversation that we didn’t exactly conclude on. We were both one leg in and one leg out.
But Isabella was veeeryyy much unplanned.
So then how did you manage to plan when you found out she was on the way?
Well, it was when we found out that we started preparing financially and otherwise for her.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was very angry.
No way!
Yep! So if you know Lagos well, you know that commuting from Magodo to Ikate is like traveling interstate. It is such a long distance and I had to make that journey every day since I got married.
When I ‘fell’ pregnant, in the words of a famous philosopher, we had to make changes.
I started falling sick frequently until one morning I vomited. My husband and I knew what it was but neither of us ever admitted it.
So while at the office one time, I visited the hospital, and when the doctor confirmed the pregnancy to me, I didn’t say anything. I just walked out of her office — I was that dramatic. But my colleague went back to talk to her.
After we got back to the office, I went to the lounge, cried, and slept off.
My husband’s reaction was ‘just there’ when I told him, he wasn’t surprised like he already knew.
I had hyperemesis gravidarum, a case of severe nausea, during my pregnancy. It was terrible for me from the beginning of the pregnancy till after I had her. It was uncomfortable, I had to stop going to the office every day to three times a week and then eventually two days a week.
But five months into the pregnancy, I quit my job.
It was not an easy decision but I had had enough. I was also doing financially better at the time and it was a tough decision for us to make but we knew we had to.
We trusted God for a miracle and it did happen, my husband found better opportunities where he started earning much more than he was earning before.
So we saved up with that till we had enough money to go baby shopping. And used part of the savings to cater for her delivery expenses.
How are you guys planning financially towards Isabella’s education?
When she was born we got quite a lot of financial gifts for her and we were very intentional about not spending it. We opened a savings account for her and put all the money there.
So for the first two sessions of school, at least, we won’t have to think too much about that.
Well done!
Her advice to for people seeking to launch families
What advice would you give anyone about starting a relationship or launching a family?
- Before you start a relationship:
Make sure you have serious conversations. It’s not just a time to go on numerous dates to take nice pictures of food and outfits.
It’s not bad to have an outline of the questions you want to ask, your standards, negotiables, and non-negotiables. Take those seriously.
- Those planning to get married:
Plan ahead of time!
Discuss what kind of wedding you want, how many children you want, and when you want to have them. These things cause different issues between couples.
For a wedding, be very realistic and cut your coat according to your clothes.
For children, have discussions on when you want to have them because children are veeeryy expensive — emphasis on veeeryy expensive.
If I were to turn back the hands of time, I would plan better.
- Becoming a parent:
It takes a village to raise a child!
One thing that isn’t very talked about is how being a mother is not easy and no one word can accurately describe motherhood like ‘pouring out’.
- If you can afford to get help, get it. While depending on family for support, remember they have their own lives and won’t abandon them to face yours.
They will be there for you as mine was for me but one thing that helped me when everyone had to leave was the fact that I got help. So if you can afford to get a live-in Nanny, please do that especially when you’re in Nigeria.
2. Having children can and will affect your relationship with your partner because you go from being just two of you to always having a third party that needs 24/7 attention.
It’s very easy to put all your attention into that little person and forget your partner — I’m talking from experience because I struggled with it.
It will require you planning around your new reality but be conscious of your children taking all the attention till you have none left for your partner.
Prioritize and know balance.
Wow! Thank you so much.
Thank you for having me!
On Houseriver, you can save towards any milestone for your child. From birth to school fees, health care, and living expenses.
Check here to get started.
Read also: “We homeschooled our first child when we couldn’t afford the best school .” — Opeyemi Kesena
