“My biggest regret is not saving enough towards our children’s educational goals.” — Mrs. Philomena Abia
Launching Families by Houseriver
This series covers diverse stories about what it takes to start a family, from planning a wedding to having a baby, raising children, and other milestones within families.
On this special issue, I interview Mrs. Uwa Philomena, my mum, who talks about her journey, lessons, and excitement about being a wife and mom for over 25 years. Her one regret is not having enough savings for her children’s education abroad.
Hi Mom. Introduce yourself to us. Tell us a bit about yourself.
My name is Uwah Philomena Abia. I’m a wife, mom, banker, and public servant. I’m married with three kids — one girl and two boys.
I love to cook and take care of my children. I am a Christian. I love company. I’m a community builder. I enjoy community service.
I’ve been married for over 25 years, and so far, so good. I’m grateful to God.
How has marriage been for you in the past 26 years?
Well, interesting and challenging.
Can you highlight some of the most challenging seasons in your marriage so far?
One of those is the early stage when your father and I were getting to know each other.
It’s always challenging, you know, because we are two people from different backgrounds. We had to study and learn about ourselves within the first five to six years.
Because the dating period is always the time that people know themselves at surface level, we’re still forming and trying to put our best foot forward. Many things are unclear at that stage until you live together under the same roof.
Once you get married and the wedding is done, everything will be open, there’ll be nothing to hide, and characters will begin to manifest. The person you’ve known from the outside may become a stranger.
Living with someone who reacts differently, does things you don’t like and you too do things that the other person doesn’t like because no one is perfect. So that stage was challenging.
You know marriage is not easy, but as a believer, it’s better because you have God at the center of the marriage while applying Godly principles to grow together.
What have been the best moments of your marriage so far?
What can I say? For me, it was the excitement of getting married as a woman, wearing the ring, and answering ‘Mrs’. The period of being pregnant and having children — the excitement we shared — remains one of the best parts for me.
Then making progress in finances, investments, and career. I still remember the joy and fulfillment your father and I shared when we had our first properties and built our first businesses.
Nothing beats growing together in a marriage.
Things are obviously more expensive than they were back then, but what was your financial process for your wedding?
So, we didn’t have any savings at all.
We had been dating for about two years, planning to get married, but one day he just decided that he wanted to meet my parents. I didn’t expect it to come that soon because I was still in my second year of school.
So, we planned to travel to see my parents, and we did.
His friends and colleagues from work had encouraged him to take that step, and they all shared responsibilities to cover different expenses for the wedding. I was also working, so I had money to fund a few wedding-related things.
Family and friends’ support made it all work out without any prior financial planning or savings.
After the first meeting with your parents, how long did it take before the wedding?
It was within 3 months.
After three months of meeting my parents, we went back for the introduction, and then, after two weeks, we had our white wedding. That was it.
How much money was enough for your wedding?
You know things weren’t the way they are now. It wasn’t that expensive.
We didn’t really have a budget because people just offered to do one thing or another, and we couldn’t exactly put together the cost of the whole wedding. My uncle assisted us with cars, the venue, and all.
It was just the favor of God.
So how much did you and your husband end up spending on your wedding?
My husband didn’t even spend up to N200,000, and I didn’t spend up to N100,000. It wasn’t a stressful thing for us at all.
Having children.
Did you both decide on how many children to have?
Yes.
I told my husband I wanted to have two, and he said he wanted four.
Along the line, when we had the first two and he lost his job, the third one came when he was jobless, and we stopped there.
Interesting.
Before you had the children, did you plan financially?
You know that the first child is always exciting, and my husband was making a lot of money then, so finances weren’t a problem at all for the first and second.
Financing the first and second wasn’t cumbersome at all.
Did you have savings already before they came, or did you just budget your spending on them from your monthly income?
We didn’t save any money. It was as money came that we spent on our children.
The only savings we prioritized then were for investing in businesses and buying properties.
What was your feeling about that decision down the line?
The monthly child-expense allocation worked for us then. Even though money wasn’t too much like that, when we sorted out investments, we still had enough to spend on children.
In those days, we didn’t see many people prioritize saving for children. As money came, it was allocated to different things and was going fine.
How are your kids now? Based on the plans you had for your children, how did they turn out?
Mmm. Yes.
We had better educational plans for our children. We wanted them to go outside the country after secondary school to continue their studies, but the plan didn’t come to fruition because of how the economy turned out.
All the same, they attended schools in the country. All of them are graduates, working careers they love, and doing well.
I’m grateful for that.
Would you say your lack of savings towards your children’s goals hindered the initial plans?
That’s my regret — not saving towards it.
Even though we saved, it wasn’t enough to carry out the plan, and we had to settle for what we could afford then and didn’t regret it.
What advice do you have to tell the younger generation of parents from your journey?
- If you want to get married, don’t look too much at the physical and financial features. Don’t give God conditions. Look at the content of the person, because physical things can fade.
- Marry a man/woman with a prospect and who is educated. Let you both be on the same page to flow through life.
- Plan yourself because the economy doesn’t give anyone room to act anyhow. Make decisions based on what you can afford. Don’t emulate other lifestyles; live within your means. Don’t do more than yourself.
- Have the number of children that you can cater to. When you bring children into the world, don’t let them suffer. Give them a good foundation, love them, and care for them. Your relationship with your spouse will affect your children, so pay attention to that.
- Save money for your children and teach them to be financially literate.
