“We homeschooled our first child when we couldn’t afford the best school .” — Opeyemi Kesena
Launching Families by Houseriver
This series covers diverse stories about what it takes to start a family. From planning a wedding to having a baby, raising children, and other milestones that happen within families.
In the first issue, we interview Mrs. Opeyemi Kesena who tells us about her unexpected pregnancy, and how she navigated it when she and her spouse earned not more than 150,000 Naira monthly.
Meet Mrs. Opeyemi Kesena. Mom of two, Baker and Counselor.
Please Introduce yourself to us
My name is Opeyemi Kesena. I’ve been married to Joshua Kesena for over five years. I have two daughters, the first is turning five years and the second will be two years.
I’m a baker with a baking business in Benin and Abuja. I’m also a counselor. My husband and I do premarital, relationship, and marriage counseling — helping people make their marriages stronger. We have a YouTube channel where we talk about these things.
What do you love the most about being a girl mom?
I just love that they are my gender and I can connect to them more. I love that I can dress them up because girls are a lot more fun to dress up. Wearing matching clothes, doing their hair with cute bows and all.
I love that so much.
Planning for my babies before birth
What was it like planning for your first daughter?
When I got married my husband and I wanted to have our first child two years after. But while still trying to find our way around contraceptives, I got pregnant about two months after we got married.
It was so unexpected and we weren’t even prepared.
At the time we weren’t earning much. I was still doing my master’s and my husband wasn’t working a very good job, he was trying to switch careers then. We panicked because we weren’t ready financially but the baby was on the way.
But one thing we did was to encourage ourselves in the waiting time. We had 9 months to prepare and so we did just that.
Since I had a friend who worked at the National Health Insurance Scheme (NHIS) then, it was an advantage so we registered with about fifty thousand naira at the time. With that, we had access to free medical care in every federal hospital in Abuja.
I had my baby at the Federal Medical Center in Abuja and my entire anti-natal, delivery, and drugs, were free and my baby was in the ICU. If we didn’t have that insurance with NHIS, we would’ve spent close to a million naira.
She was even born in the month our rent was due. It would have been such a huge financial strain to pay that amount in hospital bills and then pay rent.
We ended up spending only about 10k for other things we needed in the hospital that the NHIS didn’t cover. So insurance really saved us a lot.
So how did you navigate through baby shopping?
I was very anxious around this time because we weren’t earning much but my husband had side jobs as a graphics designer and we got some money.
I wasn’t concerned about buying new clothes at the time. I decided to go for used clothes for my first child since that’s what we could afford.
We bought the essentials: a bed, a car seat, and all.
That must have informed planning for your second daughter.
Yea. We got a very good contraceptive after our first child and then we planned better!
My husband and I had already decided we wouldn’t have another baby until we got good health insurance.
So by the time we wanted to have our second child, we were in a better place. My husband had a new job with health insurance, we moved to a better house, and we were in a better place financially.
We didn’t plan for the first but did better for the next.
Did you know the gender before birth?
By the fifth month of pregnancy, I had checked the gender of my first baby and I knew she was a girl. So that guided my baby shopping.
I always like to know the gender of my babies before I have them, it just helps me plan better.
Should parents know their baby’s gender ahead of time?
So, I think it helps anyone plan better and connect better with the child before they’re born.
For me, imagining what she was like before she came helped me to envision our connection better.
Some people say they don’t want that because they don’t want to miss the surprise element of having the baby but I think that whether you know the gender or not there’s always a surprise element.
You don’t know what the baby looks like, so it’s still a surprise. The gender is just an added surprise in my opinion.
What specific advice would you give to expecting parents before having their child?
In terms of shopping, I didn’t consider the fact that baby girls need a lot of pop socks — baby girls especially. Since they wear a lot of dresses, the pop socks always help to cover their legs.
But when it comes to baby things, it’s pretty much the same things. Only that you’re shopping for things in different colors when they are different genders.
Another thing to prepare for especially if you’re having a boy is the after-circumcision injury care.
That’s pretty much it from me.
Growing family and growing expenses
How does it feel with an expanding family?
“Would I love her as much as I love the first?” I asked myself this in fear a lot before I had my second child but when I had her, I realized I had more love to give them equally.
It’s nice to see them play with each other and have a relationship as siblings. I love to watch them together.
You know when people say, “What’s better than having one? Having two.”? It applies to children too. Having two is better than having one.
Is it more stress? Yes. But it’s absolutely fun.
Financially, having two children is more expensive generally because now you’re getting double everything you need. When you plan to have more children, you need an increased income to accommodate them.
If people have more children without improving, the standard of living will reduce.
Interesting. What is it like paying fees?
So we have a budget for each child and know what it costs to care for each child monthly.
My first daughter is already going to school. We split her fees monthly and save accordingly so when it’s due, we just take out of it to pay. We save towards her needs monthly. If a new session is near, we consider what she needs and save towards that too.
My second daughter hasn’t started school yet but we’re also preparing for that.
Is there a certain amount a couple must have before adding a child?
I don’t have an opinion on that. Everyone has the standard of living they want their child to have so I think we can go with that.
My husband and I were earning about 150k collectively at the time we had our first child. Other people may consider that too small to start raising a child with.
We could not afford to send her to the kind of school we wanted then, so I homeschooled my daughter for the first three years — because I was running a business and was flexible enough to school my child. Since we couldn’t afford quality education outside, we decided to give it to her at home.
Depending on your earnings, there are certain things you won’t be able to afford right away but planning is key. Your child will be okay.
Money management, Investing & Teaching your child about money.
What tools do you use to plan and manage family finances?
We opened a bank account for our first daughter. Her fees are paid from the account. We use an Excel sheet to plan our family finances.
Nothing else fancy.
Do both of your kids have accounts?
I haven’t opened for my second daughter yet.
Was the process stressful?
Well, we had a friend who works in the bank so that made the process easy. It wasn’t difficult at all.
But I think the most difficult process for a parent in this would be going to the bank getting all the documents, submitting it, and all that.
If there’s probably an app or something that I could use for both of my children, it would be great, instead of opening one each time for each child.
That’s exactly what Houseriver does for you.
On Houseriver, when you sign up, you can open other sub-accounts for all your children both born and unborn. You can save towards any milestone for them there.
Check here to get started.
What specific plans do you have to invest for your children?
We don’t have a plan for that yet. We just want to make sure they have the welfare now but as our finances grow — business and career, we’d like to start making plans towards that.
So how do you teach your child about money?
So most times when I go shopping, I go with my first daughter.
We create a list together and I tell her how much we plan to spend. I also tell her how much she has to spend. That’s from the money she got from friends and relatives.
When we’re out, I tell her to check the price of any item and if it’s above her budget, she has to drop it.
When we’re at the market, I give her money to pay for stuff and tell her to collect her change so she understands the process of paying for things and all the math involved.
I also encourage her to save when she receives money to buy a toy or something she likes. So when we are out I’ll tell her how much she has and what she can use it to buy.
Yea. That’s the basics for now.
Read: 10 Financial Terms to Teach Your Child
From your experience, what’s your advice on starting a family?
- Having a family budget really helps!
Know how much it will cost to raise each child. Know the standard of education you want your child to have, the kind of school, and how much it costs so that you can plan.
2. You don’t need to figure out your finances before you have a child.
If you look at the economy and cost of living, everything will give you anxiety. It’ll look like you need so much money to care for children and what you have may never be enough.
As your finances grow, you’ll do more. But don’t wait till you have all the best because you want to give your child the best before you have them.
3. Just get the basic needs and build on that.
Your child will be happy if they don’t sleep on the best bed or take the best formula — they won’t know the difference. What they need is their parents’ love.
4. It’s not as hard to care for a child as people think.
When I had my first child even when we didn’t have much I was surprised about how we were able to care for her. It’s all by proper financial planning whether in little or much.
5. No one should let fear hold them back.
Save, plan, and take the step of faith. Everything will be fine.
That’s a good one! Thank you so much for being our guest.
Thank you for having me.
