How to talk about money with your partner

One of the most consequential financial decisions you can make is who you do (or don’t) spend your life with. Your friends and the other people with whom you surround yourself also matter, of course, but your choice of (no) partner(s) will likely have some of the deepest, most direct impacts on your financial life.

That’s why talking about money with your partner is so important. Unfortunately, we live in a society that often considers money and finances taboo. (I mean, I’m writing this blog anonymously, so heaven knows I fall into this trap as well.) It’s tough to talk about things like how much you make, how much you spend and your overall goals with people. It can be even harder to have that conversation with someone you care deeply about, someone whose opinion really matters to you.

But that makes it all the more necessary to talk about money with your partner(s).

In that spirit, I want to suggest some subject areas to cover with whoever you’re sharing your life with. This is not meant to be a comprehensive list, but it is meant to at least get the ball rolling. You might not feel like everything on this list applies to your life situation, but I think it’s worth at least considering all of these.

1. Salaries. Talk to each other about what you’re making, what’s average/typical in your industry, what kind of salary growth you might expect in the future in your career path. Is your salary hourly? Does it vary by pay period? Or do you have a steady income? Do you get bonuses? How dependable are those?
2. Do you want kids? You might not think this is a financial question, but it is. (Really, it’s a question about a lot of things, not just money. But money is definitely there.) If the answer is yes, then what about public v. private school? Will you fund any progeny’s college costs? What kind of financial help are you willing and/or able to give them in the future?
3. Combining finances or not combining. My husband and I talked about this before we got married and decided to keep our finances separate. A big part of my desire for this is because I sometimes have hangups about spending money and get flat-out cheap with myself. I didn’t want to impose my issues on him, and I felt like him keeping his money separate would be a big help in that regard (and it is). In other words, there are a lot of reasons to keep finances separate, and a lot of reasons to combine finances. Find whatever reasons are specifically right for you.
4. Debt. Whoo boy, this is a big one. Do any of you have debt? How much? What’s the interest rate? Why? (There’s a big difference between, say, med school and gambling addiction!) What kind of debt do you expect to accrue in the future, e.g., a mortgage, more education, large medical bills, etc? What’s your general philosophy around debt? Do you think debt is always bad? Are there times when you’re okay with debt?
5. Credit cards. This is a sort of subset of the above, but it’s such a large issue I think it’s worth breaking out. How many credit cards do you have? How do you use credit cards? Do you pay your bill off every month or carry a balance? When do you get new credit cards? Who else is allowed to use your credit cards?
6. Housing. Do you ever intend to buy a home? Or do you want to rent? What kind of locations are you thinking about? City v suburbs v towns v rural? What kind of home are you comfortable in? Are you happy in a tiny apartment that needs no upkeep? Or can you only be satisfied in a 3-bath, 4-bed McMansion? And, tying in with number 2 above, are you planning on expanding your housing situation at some point?
7. Savings. Do you have savings? What kind (IRA, 401K, 403b, brokerage, HSA, etc)? Was this because of a one-time windfall, like an inheritance, that will likely not repeat itself? Are you still contributing to these savings? What’s your attitude to savings? What are your savings goals?
8. Retirement. Do you want to retire early? Are you so in love with your job you can’t possibly imagine ever leaving? Do you want to retire to a high- or a low-cost of living area? Or do you want to just rent an RV and travel around? How are you planning to fund this retirement?