My Journey:
Realising I would never again feel the shame of black-out drunkness…
The moment I decided to never drink alcohol again was one of the most empowering and proud moments of my life. I had this inner drive and knowledge that there was no way I would fail at this because it just made so much sense to me. I knew my determination to be the responsible, reliable, wise, intelligent, thoughtful person I wanted to be, as well as the determination to live a fulfilling, meaningful and passionate life was MUCH greater than my need to drink.
Alcohol was no longer making me happy. Alcohol was no longer the strategy I used to have fun and bring enjoyment to my life. Drinking alcohol had become my way of escaping reality. It had become my way of not having the feel the pain of living a shitty existence and full of shame.
To give you some context, I had just received almost 3 months of life-coaching from an amazing coach, called Natalia Dewiyani, where we had worked on many issues and gotten some clarity about the person I REALLY wanted to become and the life that excited and energised me!
The moment I made this decision to never drink again was the morning after a huge night out on the town where i got black out drunk, not remembering how I got home, waking up with my bong smashed on the ground, late to work, still drunk at work, smelling like beer, boss being confused by my sudden change of behaviour. And being on the phone with my life coach, who was with me last night and was the one who had to go through my phone to organise a friend to drive me home at a ridiculous hour int he morning. I could hear the disappointment in her voice as she relayed to me what had happened. I felt the stab of embarrassment every time she said something else about what happened the night before. How I made out with someone on the dance floor in the early afternoon when most people were still sober or just tipsy. How I was doing lines of something with some girls in the toilets. How I was found by my coach nearly being taken away by some people on the train. I winced in pain as I heard about each event.
I thought, I’m never going to change, I’ll always be a fuck up, I just cannot control how much I drink. I felt the pain of these thoughts. I cried. I hung my head in shame. I feel the full force of embarrassment and guilt. I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. If I keep getting black out drunk I’ll never be the person I want to be, or live the life I want to live.
And then the thought hit me…
“Hold on, if I don’t ever want to feel this feeling of shame, regret, embarrassment from getting black out drunk, then all I have to do is not drink. If I don’t drink alcohol, then I’ll NEVER have to feel that way again!”
It was this moment, this realisation, that completely changed my life! It made so much sense!
Could I imagine my life without alcohol? NO, of course not, I had no idea what it would look like. But I didn’t care. ANYTHING would be better that the feeling of guilt, shame and embarrassment.
I announced to my coach over the phone… “Nat, I’m never going to drink again” I said it with certainty, with pride and confidence. I knew it in my heart that I would never drink again. There is absolutely no way I will allow myself to put that shit in my mouth!
My coach said she knew I could do it and that she was proud of me.
I wondered how many times I had said I would never drink again to my friends and family.
The response I would usually get was,
“There’s no way you’ll last even a day”,
“How long will that last for? A week?”,
“Wanna go to the pub tonight?”
And even when I said “I’ll never drink again” all those other times, I wasn’t serious at all. They all probably knew that too.
My coach believing in me meant the world to me. She knew I could do it. And if she believed in me, even when I didn’t believe in me, then she must be right. She’d been right about so many other things.
I was starting to believe I could do whatever the fuck I wanted. I didn’t need to ask permission or care what anyone else thinks of it. And if I wanted to never drink again, then that’s exactly what I’ll do. How fucking empowering?!! I’ll never forget this moment.
If you are wanting to quit drinking alcohol, this place of empowerment, passion and determination to live an extraordinary life and allow NOTHING to get in the way… I believe is one of the best ways to stop drinking.
Most people decide to stop drinking from a place of fear, anger, shame and regret WITHOUT the excitement of the possibility of a MUCH better life. They see quitting drinking as a loss of the quality of their life, like they are missing out on something.
It’s important to get some clarity about who you want to be and how you want to live in order to REALLY have this inner drive to succeed. Without this clear vision (which I had created in the first 3 months of coaching) I would not have known where I was heading and there would be no real reason to stop drinking.
The real question is… what do you REALLY want? And how much do you want it?
If your goal doesn’t really inspire you to take action, then maybe you might want to rethink your goals! INSPIRING goals are goals that inspire YOU and inspire you take MASSIVE ACTION!
