Well, this is awkward and also confusing. — When I decided a year ago to retire my 2008 Audi A4 3.2 Quattro — a fine vehicle with a prodigious thirst for premium unleaded gasoline — I chose to lease a new Kia Niro, principally because the Niro is an all-electric vehicle, but also because the car came with…

For every child who doesn’t like their job…. — Readers, it is with great pleasure that we announce the publication of a new picture book (you know, for kids!): Xavier, the Creative Little Gator. It’s the story of a dissatisfied litigat — er, little gator who yearns to be something different. And it’s the first book under the How Pants Work imprint. Xavier is available from Amazon (only) as a paperback (only, since young children probably should not be reading on screens, at least not at bedtime), for (only) $8.00. That’s less than the price of a venti caramel macchiato and a wheat spinach foldover! Much less, probably, in this economy.

I urge you to take steps to avoid use of this information — Dear [REDACTED]: I’m writing to inform you of a recent security incident involving my records of asses kicked and names taken. This notification is being sent pursuant to various state, national, and international laws and because I genuinely feel bad about what happened. As you know — though you might…

You are simple, but beautiful. You are flimsy, but you have an inner strength. You are not merely ornamental. You are instrumental. You are a placemat, not a doormat. You are a napkin, not a diaper. You are not cheap. You are inexpensive and priceless. You are transparent, but not invisible. You are your own protector. You will crochet your own destiny. You will knit your own path. You will embroider your own future.

Are you afraid? No? Well, you should be. — “The world is closer to catastrophe than ever: the Doomsday Clock, the metaphorical measure of challenges to humanity, was reset to 90 seconds before midnight on Tuesday.” — NPR, January 24, 2023. I don’t know who needs to hear this, except, really, I do know, and it’s everyone. You, me…

We almost had eight silent nights. — Following years of intermittent hostilities — annually flaring up in late November (sometimes earlier, prompting a separate dispute) only to ebb to a simmer after a tense month — in 2022, combatants, perhaps experiencing post-melodramatic stress on both sides, informally halted antagonism for one evening. “Chestnuts Roasting on a Cease-Fire,”…

Sleigh what, now? —

You can do the same! Maybe. But probably not. — I’ve been seeing a lot of articles with titles like I Make $8,000/Month From a Side Hustle and My Hobby Brings In an Extra $153.09/Day and I Found a Quarter on the Sidewalk Outside My Home Last Week… so I figure it’s time that I let you in on my…

…of the year. — https://amzn.to/3GjlVxZ