Erotic Passages From My Romance Novel Coronavirus

David Henne
How Pants Work
Published in
3 min readJun 6, 2020

Their eyes met. The two of them nearer to this magical moment than they’d been in weeks.

Still she hesitated, wanting to make sure he’d brought protection.

“Did you remember the hand sanitizer?” she asked coyly.

He patted his pockets, purely for show. “Uh, I didn’t.”

“I’m not going to the supermarket without hand sanitizer.”

“Should I … go back to the apartment?”

“No, let’s die because you don’t feel like walking back up two flights of stairs.”

She extended a slender finger toward his lower torso. That forbidden place where sensuality met urgency.

He stretched out, supine on the couch, eager to receive her.

She probed the curvature of his spine as her curious hand crept downward, inching lower and lower. Longing for that inviting obelisk she so desperately wanted — no, needed.

She allowed a soft moan to leave her pursed lips as she shifted his weight. Frantic to find the remote under his fat ass before the next episode of Space Force autoplayed.

His body dripped wet, rejuvenated from the week’s first shower.

Beads of moisture cascaded over his short hairs. Slaloming toward their inevitable place around his sex.

Defiant, he strode toward her. Naked and eager.

“Jesus Christ!” she shouted. “I’m on a fucking Zoom call!”

“I forgot a towel!” he cried.

“Diane from accounting just saw it!”

“You think I planned this?!”

Her gaze shot across the room toward him. Her posture erect. Her heaving bosom rising toward the occasion.

Do you want me to do it? her shapely figure seemed to ask. Her wild, untreated mane of hair desperate to be wielded by his strong hands.

She held her arm aloft. A vibrating object shook invitingly in her open palm. Foreign to him, but all to familiar to her quaking frame.

“Why is your mom FaceTiming me?” she asked. “Did she call you and you didn’t answer?”

“Ugh, don’t pick it up,” he said, averting his eyes.

“You know I can’t do that.”

“I’m not wearing pants. Tell her I’ll call her later.”

“You want me to text your mom and tell her that you’ll call her later? Does that sound right to you?”

“Fine. I’ll call her,” he said, flaccidly.

There was no going back now.

The day had led to this moment. The two of them beneath the sheets. Their bodies colliding like two ships that instead of passing in the night had instead crashed into each other’s private parts.

“Sorry,” she said as her foot grazed his.

“No worries.” he said, too preoccupied with his phone.

“I’m going to go to sleep now. Are you still looking at TikTok videos?”

“I…I don’t know.” Silently he turned toward her. His eyes large. He started to sob in short bursts. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”

“Shhh,” she whispered, cradling him now. “You’re all right.”

“They’re not even that good,” he said, his sobs turning to heaves.

“I know. I know.”

--

--

David Henne
How Pants Work

Director, Content Strategy @ Hofstra University School of Communication | Contributor — McSweeney’s, Splitsider, Robot Butt