How Pants Work
Published in

How Pants Work

Five Potato Chip Options for the Trend-Conscious Foodie

Salt + Fat + Pretension = True Snack Perfection

In an effort to reflect America’s changing tastes, and inspired by a desire to tap into the trend-conscious gourmand consumer, Frito-Lay is launching its Epicurean Adventure potato chip line, highlighting exotic herb-and-spice blends for sumptuous flavor-profiles. Even the most ostentatious foodie will enjoy snacking on these delectable artisanal treats.

Overnight Oats in a Mason Jar Flavor

This chip combines the flavors of thick ancient grains, roasted figs, coconut milk, and hints of maple syrup & brown sugar, offering a colon-cleansing snacking experience.

Pho Flavor

With the underlying earthiness of long simmering beef and oxtail bones, this chip features traditional spices and aromatics that will make you feel like you are eating beside a dumpster in a back alley in Hanoi.

Poke Flavor

The traditional Hawaiian raw tuna salad flavor has made its way to the mainland! Featuring delectable hints of ginger and sesame marinated tuna, luscious sugar snap peas, mouthwatering watermelon radish, zesty scallion, and the briny flavors of house-pickled summer green tomatoes, this light and flavorful chip is best enjoyed when poured into a plastic cup and eaten with a spork on the beach while contemplating the meaning of life.

La Croix Sparkling Water Flavor

Once relegated to the back of the fridge, this redheaded stepchild of a beverage has swiftly become a suburban mom’s go-to lunchtime beverage. Russet potatoes are doused with a calorie-, sodium-, and artificial sweetener- free seasoning guaranteeing you a truly tasteless crunch.

Moscow Mule Flavor

Packaged in a copper-colored bag, this chip encompasses the revival of ginger beer & vodka coupled with an influx of lime juice. Flecked with the bohemian flavor of imitation mint, this snack promises to taste like nothing so much as gentrification in chip form.




Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Stacey Zapalac

Stacey Zapalac

Stacey Zapalac (@smzapalac) is a humor writer based in Chicago, IL. She has studied improv, writing, and satire with The Second City in Chicago.

More from Medium

The thing about stories, is they don’t have to be true

Pool or Beach? The Great Debate

Sing it with me, GPT-3

An Easy Way to Understand Inflation