Glengarry Glen Ross the Musical JR.
Mamet for Minors
ACT ONE
A Chinese Restaurant
SCENE ONE
SHELLY: John, I’m having some trouble lately selling real estate.
JOHN: I know, Shelly. I handle all the paperwork for the office.
SHELLY: I think the problem is the leads. I hear we got some new leads?
JOHN: We did get some new leads, but I’m not allowed to give those to anyone who isn’t already doing a good job.
SHELLY: But that makes no sense! What if… what if I give you some money for better leads?
JOHN: Do you have money?
SHELLY: No, because I’m having some trouble lately selling real estate.
SONG (Shelly): “Ya Gotta Have the Leads”
SCENE TWO
DAVE: Nobody wants to buy real estate anymore.
GEORGE: Nobody does.
DAVE: I remember when everybody wanted to buy real estate.
GEORGE: Everybody did.
DAVE: If we don’t sell more real estate, we’re gonna be fired.
GEORGE: Fired, yes.
DAVE: But they won’t give us the new leads.
GEORGE: We need the new leads to sell real estate.
DAVE: Maybe you could break into the office and steal the new leads.
GEORGE: Why me?
SONG (Dave): “Someone Should Hurt Mitch and Murray!”
SCENE THREE
Ricky: Life is funny and strange. Don’t you think so?
JIM: Do I?
RICKY: Yes.
JIM: I don’t know.
RICKY: What is life, anyway? Is it a highway? Is it a box of chocolates? Is it but a dream? If you think it’s a highway, then ride it all night long. If you think it’s a box of chocolates, then eat them. If you think it’s but a dream, then row, row, row your boat. What I’m saying is, life is whatever we want it to be. Have you ever been to Florida?
JIM: Have I?
RICKY: Yes.
JIM: I don’t know.
SONG (Ricky): “Listen to What I’m Going to Tell You Now…”
ACT TWO
A Real Estate Office
RICKY: What happened here?
GEORGE: Someone broke in!
RICKY: Did they steal the contracts?
JOHN: They stole the good leads!
GEORGE: We’re all gonna have to talk to the police!
DETECTIVE: I’m the police. You’re all gonna have to talk to me.
GEORGE: I don’t know what to tell the police.
SONG (Ricky & George): “Always Tell the Truth”
[JOHN and DETECTIVE exit; SHELLY enters.]
SHELLY: I made a sale!
RICKY: You did? That’s great!
GEORGE: You’re a terrific salesman, Shelly. I’m no good.
RICKY: Don’t talk like that, George.
GEORGE: But it’s the truth!
SONG (Shelly): “Get the Chalk!”
[DAVE enters; GEORGE exits.]
DAVE: I was just talking to the police. I don’t like him. He’s a poopyhead.
RICKY: Shelly made a sale!
SHELLY: A great sale!
DAVE: Now I don’t like you.
SHELLY: Let me tell you all about my sale.
DAVE: No, thank you.
SONG (Dave): “I’m Goin’ to Wisconsin”
[DAVE exits.]
RICKY: Tell me about your sale, Shelly.
SONG (Shelly): “The Ballad of Bruce & Harriet”
[JIM enters.]
JIM: Richard, I need to talk to you.
RICKY: Jim, I can’t talk now. I have to catch a plane.
JIM: My wife says I’m not allowed to buy land in Florida.
RICKY: Wives can be funny that way!
SONG (Ricky & Jim): “You’ve Got Three Days (to Cancel)”
[GEORGE enters.]
GEORGE: I didn’t rob the office!
JOHN: Go to lunch!
[GEORGE exits.]
JIM: What happened here?
JOHN: We had a slight burglary. They didn’t get your contract.
JIM: You cashed my check?
JOHN: Yes!
JIM: Oh, no!
[JIM exits.]
SONG (Ricky): “You Stupid Fucking Cunt”
[RICKY exits.]
SHELLY: He’s right, John. You shouldn’t lie unless you know it will help.
JOHN: How do you know I lied?
SHELLY: What do you mean?
JOHN: Usually, I take the contracts to the bank. Last night I didn’t. How did you know that? One night in a year I left a contract on my desk. Nobody knew that but you. Now how did you know that?
SONG (John): “Do You Have an Alibi?”
SHELLY: Can I bribe you?
JOHN: Do you have money now?
SHELLY: I sold the good leads!
JOHN: You’re going to jail!
