Guys, We Have to Stop Dropping Mics.
It’s not just a drain on your own resources; it’s also inconsiderate to others.
It’s been fun, hasn’t it, punctuating so many impressive performances and devastating arguments with a demonstrative releasing of one’s microphone? Remember when Eddie Murphy dropped his mic in the middle — not even the end! — of Delirious? You probably don’t, and that’s okay. Many of you were born after that happened, and being familiar with events that preceded your arrival isn’t a prerequisite to being a constructive member of society. But it’s time for us all to be a little less destructive. We need to stop dropping so many mics.
Have you ever held a microphone? A quality microphone? It’s heavy, relatively speaking, and as the lawyer in Jurassic Park told us not long before he was eaten by a Tyrannosaurus, if something’s heavy then it’s expensive. Most people have never purchased a microphone, so you might be surprised to learn just how much one costs. A low-end moving coil dynamic handheld microphone retails on Amazon for $13.49. That’s not a lot of money, but you can be sure that if you drop that mic even from just average adult human shoulder height, the likely result of its acceleration downward at 9.8 m/s² until impact is that you’re going to need to shell out another $13.49 to replace it. Each time. If you’re fond of emphatic physical gestures with props, that will add up quickly.
Now think about doing that with a Sennheiser SKM 500–965 G3 Handheld Transmitter ($999.95; but you can save $50 with the Amazon Rewards Visa Card). Do you have a thousand bucks to spend just to look badass for a moment… in the very same way as everyone else — rappers, comedians, heads of state, geometry and geology teachers, clumsy people, et al.? If you do, I would very much like to be in your entourage. If you don’t, then please reconsider your fiscal choices and in particular how they might affect your retirement.
But dropping mics is not just a drain on your own resources; it’s also inconsiderate to others, such as those who have to clean them up. What did you think happens when you drop a mic? Typically, here’s how the scene plays out:
YOU: *drops mic*
YOU: “I’m out.”
YOU: *exits, stage left*
CROWD: *goes wild*
CROWD: *goes home*
JANITOR: *brushes broken microphone into dustpan, empties dustpan into garbage pail.*
JANITOR: *shakes head*
JANITOR: *muttering* “I make $7.25 an hour. I’d have to work three whole days just to buy one of those.”
That janitor has an entire venue to clean, whether it’s a 60,000-seat arena, a conference room at the Rte. 17 Marriot, or a subreddit thread, and you’re only adding to his or her workload. At the very least, even if you can afford to drop mics willy-nilly, pick up your own dropped mic. Janitors everywhere will thank you and your mother will be proud.
It should go without saying that if you’re somewhere that does not employ a janitorial staff, you must deal with your own dropped mic mess. If you’re camping with friends in a county, state, or federal park, and you drop a mic — for instance, after stone cold schooling someone on why it is not ironic that the U.S. Department of the Interior is responsible for the management and conservation of the great outdoors — please remember the slogan Take only pictures, leave only footprints. Leaving resonator caps, cartridge housings, passive diaphragms, and diffusion plates next to your doused campfire is not eco-conscious in the least. Indeed, a recent Sierra Club report ranks fires, invasive species, dropped mic litter, and unchecked logging as the four greatest threats to forests worldwide.
Finally, under no circumstances should you drop an actual person named Mike. Unless that person is Mike Pence. Boom. I’m out.