I Was as Surprised as Anyone to See What My Body Cam Shows Me Doing in the Line of Duty

I am deeply sorry that I was unaware of how the technology works.

First, I should apologize: I am genuinely, deeply sorry that I was unaware of how body cams work. I regret not knowing that thirty seconds of video immediately preceding activation of the device is saved. I sincerely wish that I had not unwittingly recorded myself planting illicit drugs in a garbage can behind a house that my fellow law enforcement officers and I intended to raid without a warrant, necessitating the creation of exigent circumstances justifying a warrantless search and arrest. If I had it all to do over again, I would have waited a full minute after secreting the “evidence” before turning on my body cam.

I also want to stress that the department technical staff are blameless. I have no reason to believe that it was not explained to me clearly how body cams work. Any failure to operate properly the device assigned to me is entirely my fault. Those who provide the apparatus that enables me to protect and serve are in no way complicit in my corruption.

“I sincerely wish that I had not unwittingly recorded myself planting illicit drugs in a garbage can.”

These apologies apply, of course, not only in the context of the unfortunate, unlawful incident footage of which has recently gone viral, but as well to certain other incidents that have not been made public, but which are being reviewed by Internal Affairs all the same. I would like to explain those other circumstances now, in light of the fact that the audio component of the footage was not preserved:

  • Whereas I can be seen ordering two dozen doughnuts prior to my arresting a doughnut shop employee for offering to sell me a controlled substance, what can not be heard is my mentioning that the doughnuts are for everyone in the precinct bullpen to share. Certainly, I had no intention of eating all 24 myself.
  • What you do not hear while I am aiming my service revolver at a line of ducklings crossing the road in front of my stopped cruiser is me saying, “That’s it! Just keep going, little fellas. I’ll make sure no predators prevent you from reaching your destination unmolested.”
  • When my hand is seen passing a wad of folded bills to a shapely female on a street corner at night, what you are not privy to is my asking the aforementioned female to please deliver that money on my behalf to the nearest house of worship or to her choice of charity that provides services to the underprivileged.
  • And just before I doused those peaceful, unarmed protesters with liberal amounts of pepper spray, what you can’t hear me singing is “America, the Beautiful.” It’s a shame, too, as I’ve been told more than once that my patriotism is enough to brings tears to the eye.

I hope you will believe me when I say that I appreciate the trouble I have caused for everyone from my commanding officer on up. To be sure, I have learned my lesson. In the future, I will remember why body cams are now standard issue police equipment, and I will make a point of turning mine off completely at the start of every shift.

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Matthew David Brozik

Written by

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