Ways to Distract from the Breast Gap in Your Button Down Shirt
Shirts are hard. Especially button downs. Did you know that men and women button them up on opposite sides? It’s so women could comprehend how to help their husbands get ready for work — what a considerate sartorial choice! You know what isn’t so considerate? The UNSIGHTLY and EMBARRASSING breast gap that occurs when a woman with cleavage is:
a. Catering
b. In the dressing room of J.Crew
c. Attempting to shirk her femininity in a male dominated work environment
Luckily, there are a few ways to mask your breast gap with these simple tricks:
Layers
Put as many things over your satin Talbots blouse so no one will even know you were wearing one to begin with. You can send Mom a pic before you put your sweater(s) on so she can rest assured that her “young professional” Christmas present is going to good use.
Scarves
I’m not talking about the ones you wear around your neck — this scarf should go right around your human milk sacs! Attention will definitely be averted from your free front bra clasp peep show when your boobs look like they’re getting ready for Coachella.
Get a Breast Reduction
If you can’t change your shirt, just change yourself! Pretty self-explanatory — a woman should dress to impress others, not herself.
No Shirt, No Problem
Don’t wear a button down to begin with, better yet, don’t wear a shirt at all! Your coworkers all ready got a peak of your left nipple at last year’s holiday outing, so why not give them the full show!
We all know that button downs really aren’t meant for women to begin with (nice try, Diane Keaton), but if you wanna really stir the pot, make sure your breast gap is as secret as Larry’s erection in his ill-fitting chinos.
