Lay’s ketchup chips: Your ringtone is a dental drill.
Cool Ranch Doritos: You play jazz tailpipe in your garage band.
Hot Rod sausage snacks: You butter your toast with a screwdriver.
Lay’s dill pickle chips: You’ve melted a block of gouda in your aunt’s pottery kiln.
Fritos corn chips: You’ve used hair gel as sunscreen.
Pringles original flavor: You’ve gone skydiving in a wetsuit “in case it rains.”
Yogurt peanuts: You take your caffeine nasally.
Trail mix: You smoke grass clippings “for medicinal purposes.”
Chex Mix: You smoke Popeye cigarettes “for entertainment purposes.”
Sun Chips harvest cheddar: You’ve converted a Lite-Brite box into a Land of the Lost matrix table.
Popcorn twists: Your youngest son’s teddy bear is stuffed with Harvest Crunch.
Funyuns: You’ve necropsied a My Little Pony.
Rold Gold: You’ve autopsied a Brony.
Pumpkin seeds: You have a large scar on your belly from that time you got drunk and went “bear-tipping.”
Hickory Sticks: You’ve voted for the Rhinoceros Party.
Smartfood white cheddar popcorn: You think that nougat is a vitamin.
Miss Vickie’s honey dijon chips: You own a pair of emergency suspenders.
Wasabi peas: You’ve had to let your dog out for 8 diarrhea runs in one evening.
Cheetos puffs: You sniff orange Volvos for a high.
Bugles original: Glenn Miller is buried under your driveway.
Bits & Bites: You’ve received 180 complaints about your lawn ornaments.
Ritz crackers: You’ve shoveled your front walk with a Jell-O pudding pop.
Ringolos bbq: You’ve worked as a bouncer at an asexual bar.
Beef jerky: You’ve eaten peanut butter straight out of the bag.
Salt and vinegar Kettle chips: You know a farmer. You perform services for him of an agricultural nature. He pays you in ingots of manure.
Ruffles sour cream ‘n bacon: Your top 3 career matches are: 1) Judge Judy, 2) Chicken sexer, and 3) Canadian sport fisherman.
Flamin’ hot Cheetos: You own a pit bull and write Pingu erotica semi-professionally.
Savory Nerds: You were the last one picked for softball and the first one picked off in dodgeball.
Pork floss: You’ve killed a cockroach with a slingshot.
Pork rinds: You’ve killed a cockroach with a blowtorch.
Pork chitlins: You’ve killed a cockroach with a sledgehammer.