You Guys Are Doing a Great Job!

A Message to Conservative American Christians From the Holy Trinity

Joseph Thomas
Feb 6, 2017 · 4 min read
At least there won’t be another flood!

In light of the recent tensions among Americans from all walks of life, we, the Holy Trinity, one God in three parts, want to let you all know where we stand on the matter. There are those on both sides who keep invoking the Bible—or, worse yet, Us by name—and frankly we’re tired of it, so we’re taking this opportunity to let everyone know we’re behind you, conservative American Christians, 100%.

Jehovah, God, the Father Almighty

And he’s doing great, isn’t he? He’s my kind of guy. I mean, I did write a whole book in the Old Testament about building a wall. Now, don’t squander this. Also, you guys have been so great I even hooked you up with a Patriots comeback! I know you’re not all Patriots fans, but I couldn’t let that team from Atlanta win. Have you ever been there? That city is filthy and dangerous. (If you don’t know exactly what I mean by that, DM me. I can’t elaborate in public.)

Jesus Christ, the Son of Man

Plus, now you’ve got that refugee/immigration ban happening. This is perfect. (Don’t worry. We’re working on that federal judge for you. Just keep on keeping on, and we’ll handle him.) The only thing worse than poor people is more poor people who can’t speak English. Keep it up, guys. And remember who’s # 1!

Holy Spirit (a/k/a Holy G)

It’s like The Father always says: “The means justifies the ends.” And He’s exactly right. Rahab lied that one time to protect her family. See? Proof! I knew you would get it with a little prodding, but now you have to stay strong. There are a lot of things coming out that don’t look great. Just remember, it was all worth it to get Roe v. Wade overturned, and I’m there with you for that sole purpose.

In Conclusion…

Good Luck and Us Bless,

The Holy Trinity

How Pants Work

Inseamly humor.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store