How to commit
(I’ve written about this before — with more examples and jokes [in the Identity Yoga section] — but I wanted to lay out just a bare-essentials summary of how to commit. Because people keep asking for it. Hope it’s helpful. C)
A commitment always starts with ‘I am’. “I want to start going to the gym every day.” is not a commitment. It’s an aspiration. “I need to go to the gym.” — also not a commitment. Maybe you could call it a necessity or a requirement or an obligation. But it’s not a commitment. We commit to things by saying “I am” — and actually meaning it. “I am going to the gym every day.”
There is no such thing as ‘lacking motivation’. There is only ‘still being more committed to other things’. If I commit to going to the gym every morning, but then sort of stop after a week, it’s not because of a lack of motivation. It’s because I’m still more committed to other things (like, having a lie-in). The way to commit to something more strongly is to break other commitments.
The way I can commit more strongly to going to the gym is to inventory all the reasons not to go — all the conflicting commitments — and then to break them all. To stop being committed to being comfortable. To stop being committed to sleeping until 10. Whatever else stands in the way.
The way to break commitments is to say “I am not…” and really mean it.
There is no point just trying to give up an old habit or take up a new one. There is no point in just trying to ‘find the motivation’. The only thing that matters in the end is if you are committed or not. Either “I am doing it.” or “I am not doing it.” Everything else — motivation, habits — starts from that point.
The thing to realise about saying “I am…” or “I am not…” is: commitments don’t exist anywhere else but here. When we say “I am…” (and mean it) we adopt a position. A stance. That position becomes the reference point we use in making all of our decisions — choosing what to think, say, do and be. There is nowhere else for a commitment to ‘live’. Say it to someone. Write it down. Sign a contract. Or don’t do any of those things. It doesn’t make any difference. The only thing that matters is the position we have taken. The commitment: “I am doing it.”
When it comes to making commitments, what matters is getting very good at spotting when we make commitments and when we break commitments. And that depends on knowing that when we make and break commitments we are taking (or abandoning) a position. And the way we take (or abandon) a position is by saying “I am…” and meaning it.
When you say “I am…” how do you know if you mean it? The easiest way is to say it to someone else and ask them if they believe you. Because it is always possible to tell (actually) if someone is lying about a commitment. It is also possible just to ask yourself. If you have fully committed, it’s easy to say “Yes — it’s true.” If you haven’t, even if it’s very subtle, you’ll hear a “No… it’s not true.” And the ‘no’ will only show up if there is some kind of (maybe hard to decipher) feeling that tells you it’s not true. It’s as if you hesitate before saying ‘Yes’, because part of you knows there is something in the way. The feeling will always be saying something to the effect of “No… I am not fully committed to this because there is a conflicting commitment. I am still more committed to doing something else.” Whatever the ‘something else’ is that shows up, you then have a choice — to either remain committed to that something else (and abandon the ‘new’ commitment) or to abandon your commitment to the something else.
When you have sifted through all the potentially conflicting commitments, you’ll be able to say “I am…” and feel that it is true. The only remaining challenge is remembering the commitment. The way to do this is to say “I am doing (whatever the thing is)” and notice how it feels when it feels true. And then — forgetting all of the process of getting to that point and all the previously conflicting commitment and all of that — just focus on that feeling. Concentrating on a commitment makes it easier to remember. Focus on the feeling for as long as possible. At first it will feel new and different. Then it will feel more familiar. Then it will feel normal. Then it will feel like it’s just how things are. Then you will identify with it fully, thinking “This is just who I am.”
If you don’t know what to commit to, you can use the Very Clear Ideas process to find out.
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