Money, creative freedom and the disco ball of wholeness
I wrote this story after spending a life-changing week learning about the fundamental nature of money from Peter Koenig, who spent 30 years researching the subject.
It’s about people like me from ordinary family backgrounds, neither rich nor poor. Still, that makes us privileged. Koenig’s work is also hugely relevant for those with great wealth and those with almost nothing, but that’s a subject for a different story.
You are born with everything you need. Food, warmth, love.
Your existence justifies being provided for. All you have to do is take.
Unless it’s dangerous — put that sharp thing down! — nobody stops you.
18 months or two years go by and you’re walking. In a shop, your instincts are still to take. You grab something off a shelf. Of course you do, it’s all you’ve ever done.
But something is different. You learn a rule.
You can’t just take what you want.
You watch mum and dad pay for things. There is something you need before you can have what you want.
Money.
You need money for the things you want.
Two years go by and Mum’s purse is open. You take some money and get caught.
You cannot take money!
What is money if you need it but cannot take it?
You learn the belief system of money.
You must work. Be a good girl. A good boy.
Then you get money.
And money gets you the things you want.
You grow into an adult.
You want to be secure. You want to be free. You want to be attractive. You want to be powerful.
You want to exist.
You need money.
So you are good. And you work. So you can get money.
Work. Money. Fulfilment. In that order.
You must earn your living.
You have no right to exist without earning it.
The advertising men know this. They don’t sell products. They sell you a better you.
Secure. Free. Attractive. Powerful.
All the identities you desire. If you have the money.
But fulfilment never quite comes.
Because the identity is projected onto the money.
It will only be you in the future when you have the money.
So you follow and chase money.
Money becomes an end in itself.
It’s a trap.
You’d be happy if you earnt 30% more than now. That would be enough.
The people on 30% more than you want 30% more too.
The billionaires and oligarchs want 30% more.
So you will work more. Earn more money. Then you will be whole.
But the secure, free, attractive, powerful you is always just out of reach.
Wholeness never comes. Just a loop.
Work, money. Work, money.
You have dreams. A vision. Your true calling. Your life’s work.
If only you had the money, then you could do what you really want.
The more you follow the money, the less you follow your vision.
It never materialises.
Then you learn a big secret.
The ad men don’t want you to know it.
The system doesn’t want you to know it.
Here’s the secret.
You are whole. With and without money.
Secure, free, attractive, powerful.
Enabled, ambitious, successful, the captain of your ship, in control, joyful, peaceful, purposeful…
With and without money.
These things — all of them — are within you.
They are part of you. Identities at your disposal.
With and without money.
You are a disco ball, lit up by a spotlight, reflecting a galaxy all around.
Hundreds of mirrors, each one a part of who you can be. Who you already are.
Light shines off the secure you. The free you. The attractive you. The powerful you.
Light shines off every version of you that you can be.
Not only in the future when you have the money. This instant.
You are becoming whole.
Yet this is still not complete wholeness.
On the opposite side of the disco ball there are hundreds more tiny mirrors, each one directly opposed to one already lit up.
Opposite the joyful you is the despairing you.
The insecure you is opposite the secure.
Ugly opposite attractive.
Powerless. Powerful. Violent. Peaceful.
You learn the great paradox.
To fully shine on one side of of the disco ball, you must also embody the exact opposite.
How can you be secure if you do not accept your insecurity?
How can you be happy without sadness?
You learn to accept your opposites.
You are insecure. And it’s OK.
You are violent. And it’s OK.
You say these things out loud, even if you think they’re lies.
You give your subconscious mind and your body a chance to process the identities you have been suppressing.
You are powerless, unattractive, enslaved, abusive, a failure.
All of the opposites of everything you believe you want to be.
And you’re OK.
The neurons in your heart and gut work with the identities.
Things begin to shift within you.
You’re OK.
Not just OK, but good even.
Not just good. You can love being every version of yourself. Love all of the opposites of the whole disco ball of identities.
Still you resist some identities.
Some of your negative identities are linked to past experiences.
You don’t want to accept a violent you, an abusive you, or an out of control or enslaved you.
When these identities are repressed within you they bubble up unconsciously.
And you will project these identities onto other objects, especially money.
Money is violent. Money is slavery. Money is evil.
Just as your positive projections make you run after money, your negative projections unconsciously push money away.
You reclaim these projections and allow them all to be part of you.
You are violent and you are enslaved. And it’s OK.
You are violent and you are enslaved. And it’s good.
You are violent and you are enslaved. And you love it!
You can love all of these identities because if you think hard enough, you can imagine a situation where every seemingly negative identity could serve you if used consciously and appropriately.
Now you are fully conscious, you can choose how to behave, with a full repertoire of identities at your disposal.
This is wholeness. Fully accepting yourself.
The only way to act fully consciously is through wholeness.
You don’t turn into a monster because you have the choice of how to express each identity.
And anyway, sometimes being a monster is good!
Now the whole mirror ball glitters and shines. Every identity you desire, and all of their opposites.
You have become whole.
You no longer look to money to make you who you want to be in the future.
You are already whole. With and without money.
You no longer project negative qualities onto money either, because they are no longer negative, and are already part of you.
Money becomes a neutral medium, neither good nor bad.
Money is there to serve you, as you materialise your vision.
Wholeness gives you freedom from fear.
There can be no fear if you have accepted every possible version of yourself.
And you have creative freedom.
The freedom to write and live the story of your own life.
To materialise your own vision.
With love, and free of fear.
Because the opposite of fear is love.
When you stop chasing money and follow your vision instead, it becomes a powerful attractive force.
You attract the resources you need to make your vision a reality.
Relationships. Help. And money.
You are attracted to help others live their calling in life too.
A web of loving relationships.
Maybe you have more or less money than before.
But the money is no longer the focus. You have what you need.
Love attracts love.
You are whole.
You are shining.
Based on the work of Peter Koenig. With thanks to Charles Davies who introduced me to it.
