Two urban myths about stress that can cost you your life
Written by Agnieszka (Aggie) Zbieranska
I am sorry to break it to you, but most of what you’ve learnt about stress from your parents, teachers and wellness educators probably isn’t true. I’m sure they didn’t mean to lie to you; they probably had your best interest at heart. But the truth is that the two most commonly repeated statements about stress, if taken literally, can be more fatal than an encounter with a great white shark.
These two statements are:
a. ‘Stress is bad for you’.
b. ‘Stress is good for you’.
Both of them can of course be true, depending on circumstances, but none of them is unequivocally and absolutely true.
How come? Let me use my favourite analogy of exercise and movement.
Let’s imagine for a moment that stress is like physical exercise, while your health and mental wellness are your body.
If you take it as a given that exercise is bad for you and religiously avoid any form of physical activity, you will either get morbidly obese and die, or lose your muscle mass, decrease your bone density, weaken your immune system…and die. Maybe not instantaneously, but surely prematurely.
If, on the other hand, you expose your body to strenuous exercise with no rest or recovery, you’ll very likely get injured, burn out, and in extreme cases… die.
Any fitness instructor will tell you that the golden middle, when you pick the right type and intensity of physical activity and allow yourself a sufficient amount of rest, is the only way to get fitter in a sustainable way. And, you know, eventually get that dreamt-off six-pack.
It’s the same with stress. The right amount and type of stress, when handled properly, motivates us every day to get up and go to work, interact with people, fulfil our aspirations, and — you know — just do things. Too much of the wrong type of stress, in turn, is what makes us panic before an important meeting at work, avoid social interactions, and in extreme cases, completely burn out or even fall ill.
Therefore, I invite you to view stress as two very different phenomena : Eustress and Distress.
Eustress is the positive kind of stress that energises us and can improve our performance in any given area. Eustress is usually relatively short-term and is something that we believe we can cope with (the ‘belief’ part here is really important, and we will touch upon it in our next article). Think of it as your daily morning run that is likely to make you fitter and capable of pushing yourself more next time you set your foot on a running track.
Distress, as you can imagine, generally feels unpleasant, depletes our energy, and decreases our overall performance. Whether short or long-term, distress appears to be outside our coping mechanisms and can lead to mental fatigue or physical illness. It’s like attempting to run a marathon without any training or preparation — generally, not a good idea.
Simple? Not really, as there’s no objective list of Eustress and Distress factors. To one person starting a new job can provide that extra push and motivation to upskill and grow, while for another it can be a real derailer. Similarly, a painful break-up can in one person’s eyes be a total disaster, while in another’s a life-changing break-through. There are, of course, some horrible experiences — like unemployment, bereavement, or illness — that are objectively distressing, at least at first. But how we deal with them, is what can eventually turn them into Eustress.
To quote one of my favourite psychologists, Mihaly Csikszentmihaly, it is how people respond to stress that determines whether they will profit from misfortune or be miserable.
Now, this is very important as — let’s be real — it’s virtually impossible to avoid stress and most of us will have to deal with multiple hardships throughout our lifespan. Therefore, it should come as a source of consolation that it is indeed within our power to eventually turn a distressing experience into a “eustressing” one.
So what can you do at a time of distress to turn it into a constructive, and not destructive, experience?
- Change the way you look at things (and the things you look at will change). — A very good example is my good friend who recently got laid off. To most people, including myself, that would be a very distressing experience and I’m sure it wasn’t easy for my friend either. However, instead of letting this diminish her self-esteem and drive, she saw it as an invaluable opportunity to set up her own business she’s been working on after hours for quite a while. Now that her business finally started bringing real profits, she couldn’t be more grateful for that ‘eustressing’ experience.
- Take a breather. — Not only metaphorically, but also literally. As mentioned earlier, continuous exposure to stressors inevitably brings about distress and in most cases all we need to do to regain our footing is to simply take a break from it. So, whenever possible, take a weekend off to focus solely on our wellbeing, devote an evening to do the things we like with the people we like, catch up on sleep, or simply take ten slow, deep breaths amidst a stressful day.
- Give out hugs. — Now, we don’t necessarily mean you should start hugging strangers on the street or in the Tube; but we certainly recommend connecting with others. Oxytocin, so-called ‘hug hormone’, released in moments of social connection, is a natural antidote to stress. It not only makes you feel good, but it also positively affects your physiology, helping your blood vessels stay relaxed during stress and help your heart regenerate from any stress-induced damage. No wonder that the famous 75-year-long Harvard[1] study showed that happy relationships and connecting with others are the number 1 factor contributing to our overall wellness and longevity!
[1] To read more about it, visit : https://www.adultdevelopmentstudy.org/
How to deal with stress is a publication packed with tips and techniques for dealing with stress and anxiety in everyday settings — brought to you by Agnieszka (Aggie) Zbieranska & Leon Taylor.
Check out the Youtube channel & sign up for the free mental wellness newsletter.
