Coping with Difficult Behavior
I saved this blog last in our series because I personally feel it to be the toughest to implement. This final blog will tell you how to act “when anything goes wrong” while you are implementing our previously discussed topics.
What Could Go Wrong?
Relationships and communication are two very abstract concepts that have no clear-cut path. Because of this attribute, people have to know how to “think on their feet” and be very adaptable. One of my findings when communicating with people is that (1) I always have a plan going into the interaction and (2) it never works perfectly — the reason being that interpersonal communication is very abstract with many moving parts.
Tips “when things go wrong”
Pace: When you sense disagreement with someone you are communicating with, pay particular attention to the pace/speed at which you speak. This awareness will help keep your target relaxed, while also keeping you aware of your tone so that you don’t lose control of your emotions. The ideal pace is usually one that is slightly deeper and slightly slower than the speed at which your normally speak.
Pause: This step is absolutely necessary! We as social creatures have strong need to be understood! When someone you are having a conversation with is talking, be COMPLETELY SILENT while they are speaker but let them know you hear them by acknowledging them non-verbally (i.e. head nod). The goal with this technique is to “let the other person “empty.” This technique is two-fold because it lets them get their thoughts out while you also letting them know that you are trying to understand what they are saying. Once they are done, pause before you reply s that they are 100% sure that you were listening to them.
Probe: After your pause of a second or two, you then want to probe. The best way to do this is by asking your target open-ended questions so that they tell you the story. For example, if your target rejects your viewpoint on a certain issue, you can say, “What about my viewpoint didn’t you like?” This question is very effective as it allows them to tell you what they disliked without you micro-managing the conversation. In general, an effective way to probe is by asking your target to elaborate on what their specific objections are.
A very important skill while implementing this strategy is to pay particular attention to the other persons body language and facial expressions. Put succinctly, “This ability has to do with accurately identifying one’s own emotions as well of those of others. This involves picking up cues, both verbal and nonverbal, and discerning genuine versus forced expression (Latona, 2017). By doing this effectively, you are able to pick up on cues that your target didn’t necessarily verbalize which allows you to connect with that person on a more personal level. In response to Andrew, it can be seen here the art of making friends has a lot to do with emotional intelligence. If one is very emotionally intelligent, friends and companions should come along naturally.
In responding to this book, I would say that these techniques are good, but not great. I feel that the book cold have given myself as the reader more information on handling difficult situations. The majority of this chapter was repetitive language that was used multiple times throughout the book.
Latona, A. (2017, September 27). EQ: The Best Indicator of Success. Retrieved from Medium.com
Potts, S., & Potts C. (2013). <i>Assertiveness: how to be strong in every situation<i>. Retrieved from http://ebookcentral.proquest.com
