Rapport: Making New Friends
We will now move on to module 2 of this series, which focuses on rapport. More specifically, this workshop will focus on making new friends and expanding your present sphere of influence.
“Surveys have found we have fewer friends than we did in the 1980s, and that all those virtual relationships aren’t nearly as satisfying as the in-the-flesh kind. (Lebowtiz 2017)
Part I: What Should I do?
Pursue Hobbies: Do not overthink this. Do what you like. For example, I love to play basketball, so it would be great for me to play pickup. More broadly, join a club on campus that you believe would be fun. By doing this, you will surround yourself with like-minded people, maximizing your chances at making connections.
Set Goals: Honestly, approach an interaction with a goal. For instance, if you attend a networking event, make it a goal to connect with 3 people and get their phone numbers. This will focus your mind.
Smile: As basic as it is, smiling simply makes you more approachable. In order for me to achieve this, I usually think of something funny before I go approach someone. This way, I approach them with a smile on my face. Notice how IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER WHAT THE HECK MADE YOU SMILE. Just smile and you will seem more approachable.
Go Deep(er): Once you have had a few laughs and established a bit of common ground, then ask a question a bit deeper than “what’s your major?.” This will let the person now that you are interested in them enough to care what they think about something that actually matters. For questions like this, I like to ask them questions that pertain to my values. For example, I am a very goal oriented person, so I like to ask: “What made you come to college? Is there something you are after or did you do it simply because everyone else did? Now, by listening to their answer to a question you care about, it allows you to judge whether you want to keep hanging out with this person.
Part II: How to be Efficient
Now, we will focus on how to get the most out of our interactions.
Mirror: In order to establish rapport, mirror/copy your target’s body language and gestures. Do not make it obvious, but pay attention to things like voice tone, hand gestures, and body language. The one time I consciously did this what at a real estate meeting. It worked so well that my target and I hung around an entire hour after the meeting dispersed!
Test: Simply put, nobody is going to “spill the beans” right away. From here, the best plan of action is to ask them a question about something that actually matters — what we touched upon earlier. Once you ask this question, PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THEIR BODY LANGUAGE and how they respond to your question. Do they open up and get excited and go into great detail about the question? Or do they shrug their shoulders and give you a generic, quick reply. Staying keen on body language can give you cues as to whether the person is comfortable with you and whether you should go deeper into the interaction or pull back.
Remember: Last but not least, remember key points from the interaction. If you have to, honestly write them down. Nothing is worse than building great rapport and then subsequently destroying it in your next meeting because you misremembered or forgot a couple of the key facts you learned about the person. By forgetting, you subconsciously communicate to that person that whatever you forgot was not important enough to you to remember.
What I Have Learned/Reflection
Since writing this blog, I have put these principles into practice and learned a few things. Since the start of school, I have met a lot of people but not become friends with them simply because I didn’t make the effort or implement any of the strategies listed in this blog. Although the strategies listed in this blog are not the only way to make friends, if you do them, you will probably come by a few.
Since writing this blog, I have implemented these strategies on a couple of my classmates (in this class and others). I have found that implementing these strategies helps you be friendly and attract more friends because all of these strategies make a person more approachable; people love other approachable people, it makes them feel comfortable.
The Best (Non-Awkward) Ways to Make New Friends in Your 20s and 30sShana Lebowitz — https://greatist.com/happiness/how-to-make-keep-friends
3 CIA Secrets To Building Rapport (Especially With Difficult People)https://www.isaiahhankel.com/building-rapport
