Why I’m Not As Successful as Jennie Kim
(Or any person my age who has found significant or immense success.)
If you clicked this article, you probably already know Jennie Kim of K-Pop girl group BLACKPINK. Even if you don’t know the details of her life, you know her song SOLO or her group’s Kill This Love which was recently featured in the Netflix film To All The Boys 2: P.S. I Still Love You. If anyone is talking about a “Jennie”, she’s probably that Jennie.
Jennie was born January 16, 1996 in Seoul, South Korea. At 8 years old, her family took a trip to Australia and New Zealand. When her mom asked her if she liked the place and wanted to stay, she said yes and studied there until she was 14. Instead of moving to the US to continue her studies, she cried and told her mom she wanted to become a singer in Korea.
She trained for six years before debuting in BLACKPINK. The group released consecutive hits since debut and with her debut song SOLO, she became one of the most successful Korean female soloists. Today, she’s surpassed 25 million followers on Instagram and is the face of luxury brands such as Hera and Chanel.
Although she wishes they released music more regularly, she’s living her childhood dream as a fashionista and performer.
Why am I telling you this?
Jennie Kim is only 51 weeks older than me.
After I finished kindergarten, my mom asked me to demonstrate to teachers that I was ready to start grade school even if I wasn’t 7 years old yet. I got in and I started my life of having to prove I was better than my peers.
Most of my batchmates until college were born in 1996. They’re the ones who I consider to be “my age”. I always forget that the kids a year below me were born in the same year. If you reminded me I was only a year older than the kids two years my junior, I’d freak out.
I have always been perceived as distracted, more interested in other things. Mom threatened to transfer me out to a public school if I didn’t become the top of my class. I was scared of people because I was bullied so much so I got my act together and eventually graduated valedictorian.
(That’s out of a class of 26, but it’s the thought that counts.)
In high school, I found myself in the same class as the kids I competed against in elementary school contests. Kids in my elementary class were already unnecessarily mean but apparently people who I have never talked to had their own opinions of me as well? Wild concept.
No one graduates high school without any form of drama. There are a handful of significant instances that come to mind but I managed to graduate salutatorian. I barely talk to anyone from elementary and high school now. Without social media, they would never know what I’m up to.
It’s been three years since I graduated from college. Cum laude, but barely. Some of my friends are in law school while my parents have realized they can’t convince me to become a lawyer anymore. A few of my friends are lucky to have immediately found jobs they don’t want to leave.
Most of us are on our 2nd or 3rd employer since graduation. Two left their corporate jobs to pursue their dream of becoming a flight attendant, looking forward to starting a business in a few years. Let’s just say most of us are in a situation that works for now, but not forever.
Was I well prepared for the career I wanted?
All things considered, I love my degree program and university. It matched my interests, goals, and the kind of environment I needed to thrive. I’m an INFJ so I need a sense of purpose, to work on things I’m passionate about, and to have the freedom to approach it whatever way I want.
Am I satisfied with the qualifications I had by the time I had to start applying for jobs?
Yes!
I never had an idle summer throughout college. After my first year, the University decided on a calendar shift and I had four months free. I got an internship at the Provincial Information Office thanks to my dad and I learned about traditional media and public relations firsthand.
I spent the summer term after my 2nd year taking required General Education subjects so I can take extra Media Arts majors. I initially wanted to major in Media Arts but an instructor noted my eye for strategy and insights. It made more sense to major in Speech and Corporate Communication yet I did not want to give up my interests so I found a way to take more classes.
After my 3rd year, I took an internship at the Department of Tourism’s regional office and learned more about tourism promotions. I had to leave the internship earlier than expected because I joined the International Youth Leadership Summit in De La Salle University Manila.
Before my 4th year of college, I started working online with a virtual assistant company that taught me the technical skills I needed in digital marketing. I was already working on social media for school events (my classmates would say “you do it, since you’re always online”) and it stuck.
Two weeks after graduation, six after classes actually ended, I got a job in the industry I wanted. The pay is what you’d expect for a fresh graduate but I had access to valuable resources and great mentors. There were many opportunities to learn about marketing and branding.
For a fresh graduate, I had great qualifications. You’ll see how my career unfolded since then in my first post.
What could I have done better?
Everyone has regrets. We all wish we could have done better in certain areas. Some people are more fortunate than others, they have resources and opportunities you could only dream of.
I would consider myself luckier than most people from my high school. Granted, most of my classmates have jobs they like. Many of them are employed in the public sector for example.
My parents were able to send me and my sisters to schools we liked, pursuing degrees we liked, made sure we were never hungry, that we had a conducive environment for studying. If we ever wanted to join seminars or extracurricular activities, they supported us.
I did not make the most of the opportunities presented to me. I did not apply for internships, exchange programs, scholarships that would require me to leave the city for a long time. I did not join all the seminars and workshops I could have.
Call it resume padding, but I missed real opportunities to learn and build my credibility.
After graduation, I did not apply for jobs outside Davao City even if I had the qualifications. It’s true living in Metro Manila is expensive and would mean spending more time in traffic than what would be healthy for any human being. It’s also true my dream jobs were right there.
I could have done better in the projects and tasks entrusted to me throughout my career. Just getting a task done is not enough. I failed to or refused to go the extra mile and make things as great as they could be. I let my emotions and fickle desires affect my motivation to do well.
If I felt bad, I would procrastinate and “decompress” until I felt “better”. While my hours are flexible, deadlines are tight. I often reach a point at work where my output becomes half-baked (“pwede na”) and I get pulled aside to talk about it. My psychological resilience was very weak.
If I feel like I’m restricted, morale and performance level goes down the drain. That’s part of who I am, but that’s not an excuse. I had to learn how to overcome my anger, uncertainty, anxiety as it comes or at least I can put it aside long enough to focus on the task at hand. Most people have that perseverance, but I did not.
That’s when I realized the true difference between people like me and successful people my age.
What’s between me and massive success?
During a Kapehan or a chat over coffee with my team leader, my coworker brought up that he was demotivated. He didn’t feel like he had any real long-term life goals.
He didn’t know if he was depressed but he didn’t see the point in anything.
My team leader thought it was a bit absurd and was surprised we all felt that way. She told us the story about how she was independent from the age of 16. She kept herself on her feet by constantly setting new, concrete goals.
When her then-boyfriend (now husband) got his first job, their first goal was to buy a color TV.
“You’re like that because you don’t have burdens.”
Most people in their 20's would feel like this is unfair to say, but it was true.
All of us in the team still lived with our family. We are under no obligation to set aside a portion of our income to help with living expenses or our siblings’ school fees.
Yet we struggled to save because we splurged on ourselves. We were short-sighted. We didn’t have any real goals for the next five years.
Marriage? Kids? Out of the picture.
What it means to have burdens
The thought stayed with me so I did what motivational speakers would tell you not to do.
I looked at what people my age were doing with their lives. I thought about my peers who I think have their life put-together. I looked at people older than me, younger than me.
I compared myself to celebrities who are on a completely different path.
Let’s talk about another K-Pop idol.
Park Sooyoung or Red Velvet Joy is only four months older than me. As the eldest daughter, she felt she had the responsibility to help her parents provide for her two younger siblings. She started preparing to get into a good university by attending a general high school.
There’s a video of Joy performing a rock song at her middle school. Her voice was beautiful even then. She auditioned for SM Entertainment through their Seoul Global Auditions and they didn’t call her back until a whole year after.
Joy was a hidden trainee and was not revealed through the company’s predebut project SM Rookies. She had to work four times as hard to catch up with her future teammates. She had multiple dance classes on days the older trainees were free.
Some days she doubted whether this is what she really wants with her life. Joy thought she was the prettiest girl in their neighborhood. After seeing how beautiful other trainees were, she cried to her mom about how she didn’t think she had what it takes to become a celebrity.
In late 2014, she decided against going to university because she wanted to focus on the group. Red Velvet only had two songs at the time and have not received public recognition, but she believed in their group that much.
Bae Joohyun, the beautiful trainee she was intimidated by, debuted with her and became Red Velvet’s leader Irene. Joy is now an emerging fashion and beauty icon in Korea and Red Velvet are one of the top girl groups of their generation.
Most importantly, she’s living her dreams. She supports her family’s living expenses and her younger sister’s university studies abroad.
Joy has what our team leader said we didn’t have. She has burdens. If you want to word it more positively, she has a sense of responsibility.
Until now there are times where she’s working even if the group is on an official break. She does extensive research whenever she has a project and does what she can to be the best at the task at hand. Even if her last drama was criticized for being badly written, critics still praised her acting skills.
Joy shares sometimes the confidence is just an act, but that’s alright.
How having no choice actually helps
Sometimes people succeed because they have no other choice but to do well in the situation they’re in now.
I used to think a lot about starting over. I often wished I had the chance to just pause everything and figure my life out from there.
When I voiced my realization that I had to figure out what I can do from where I am now, the response made me feel a little dumb.
“Yes. That’s what everyone else does.”
The internet romanticizes running away from everything to sort out your life but running away doesn’t solve anything. The 2018 South Korean film Little Forest is about a college graduate who returned to her hometown after failing the teacher’s licensure exam.
She spent her life reconnecting with who she was, resolving personal issues, but it was undeniable she still had to go back to Seoul and face her problems.
Successful people either have no choice but to do what they have to or act like there’s no other way to get to where they want to be. You’ve already invested so many years into preparing to become a singer or doctor or architect or whatever it is. Just keep going.
It’s easier said than done, but that’s what grit and perseverance is for.
You need to believe in your future goals enough to keep yourself going. You deserve to live the life you want.
Sometimes a job is a job and helps you get by so you can focus on other activities that give your life meaning. Sometimes your passions help you earn money.
You need to become a person who knows what they want and how to get it.
Then you need to convince yourself there is no other way to get there but to put the work in.
Finding my burdens
I reached the point of not having a choice earlier this year. I’m 23 years old and I’m not getting any younger. My older sister is taking the board exam to become a licensed physician in September this year. My younger sister is determined to become an architect no matter how long it takes, although she fears it might take longer than average after stumbling with Math.
My parents would have also wanted me to pursue a career with a clear checklist on how to get from point A to B. They wanted me to be a doctor or lawyer, whatever has a licensure exam.
I passed the Civil Service Examination in October 2015, scoring high enough to rank 6th nationwide. With Professional Eligibility, I can apply for any government job I want.
It’s tempting but I have my apprehensions. Simply put, my values don’t align with the current administration. My friends who work in the government don’t have an item position or they’re not being paid regularly and on time. Plus I wouldn’t have the flexible hours I need to thrive.
The Philippines has an unemployment rate of 17.7% during this pandemic and while opportunities are abundant, there will always be people with better qualifications than me.
With this, I now know what I want to do in the next five years.
My 5 year plan
The ultimate goal is to have my own content strategy consultancy or company.
I’m starting to receive more project-based work, which is great for me as a person who is admittedly not exactly employable.
Right now, I’m sorting out my online presence by challenging blogging again through Hoxy. I created a ko-fi for those who would like to support me by “buying me a coffee”.
By building long-term partnerships with clients I’ll work with along the way, I hope to gain recommendations and prove myself in the field.
Next semester, I’ll be applying for readmission to UPOU MDC but will also give a shot at applying for UPD’s MA in Asian Studies program so I can pursue my special interest in Korea.
Perhaps, in a few years, I’ll even be working or studying in Korea too.
Maybe I will never be as successful as Jennie Kim. That’s alright. I can be as successful as Jamie can be and perhaps inspire others to do the same for themselves.
