Twas the night before Baltimore
’Twas the night before Baltimore, when all through The Land
Browns fans were ready for what Stefanski had planned
The locker room was spread out and handled with care
Cleveland was optimistic, even with COVID in air
Austin Hooper was nestled all snug in his bed
While visions of catches danced in his head
And Priefer running special teams, and Berry managing the cap
Fans shook their heads, knowing last year’s coaching was crap
When out on social media arose such a clatter
It wasn’t Njoku demanding a trade, so it really didn’t matter
Away to the end zone Nick Chubb flew like a flash
Kareem Hunt too, with a juke and a dash
The moon on the breast of brand new regime
Our head coach had cheekbones, a sight to be seen
When what to opposing offenses should appear
But a reinstated Myles Garrett giving the Ravens such fear
With a healthy OBJ so lively and quick
Predictions grew strong as a Wild Card pick
More rapid then dawgs his defense it came
And Woods whistled, and shouted, and called them by name
Now Vernon! Now Richardson! And Ogunjobi too!
And Ward and Harrison and the rest of the crew!
As preseasons games ceased to exist
The 2020 season would come with a twist
So up to Governor DeWine a few thousand fans could come in
A ray of gridiron light in a year that was grim
And then in a twinkling, I yelped with a glee
Mack Wilson wouldn’t need surgery, and could return on the D
As the dawg pound hoped things were turning around
Out into M & T Bank Stadium, Baker came with a bound
He fired up this teammates and they began to go ape
The face of the franchise was finally in shape
He dressed in new unis, from his head to his feet
He lied low in the offseason, hardly a tweet
His eyes how they twinkled as he looked at his line
Greg Robinson was no more, about to serve time
Baker was lean, and worked on his game
The offense was stacked, and there’d be no one to blame
A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head
He gave Chubb the ball, a beast to be fed
Chubb spoke not a word and broke open a run
Watching this offense was overwhelmingly fun
Stefanski was calm and collected, an ivy league brain
Giving hope to a fan base that endured enough pain
And with Conklin and Wills holding pass rushers at bay
Alex Van Pelt drew up a miraculous play
A fullback lined up, along with Bryant and Hooper
The offense had woken from its long-endured stupor
Baker faked a hand-off and it was all play-action
The coaching was real, not an abstraction
Landry took off, running a route like no other
Even OBJ blocked, his LSU brother
Baker looked downfield and fired a pass
Landry caught it with ease and turned on the gas
He ran into the end zone, his feet quick like a deer
Happy opener to all, and to all a good year
Josh Womack is the head writer for Laugh Staff.
