Twas the night before the Browns home opener
’Twas the night before the home opener, when all through the land
Not a Browns fan was stirring, for they knew what Dorsey had planned
The muni lot was quiet and there was hope in the air
Excitement was building as kickoff soon would be there
Myles Garret was nestled all snug in his bed
While visions of sacking Mariota danced in his head
And Swagger in his doghouse and Freddie with his cap
Fans pulled up their tickets on the Browns mobile app
When out on West 6th arose such a clatter
It wasn’t Kareem Hunt, so it really didn’t matter
Away to the end zone Nick Chubb flew like a flash
He broke through defenders with a juke and a dash
The moon of the breast of the new and improved team
Gave a reminder of Marty that there was such a gleam
When what to opposing defenses should appear
But OBJ and Jarvis Landry making fans cheer
With an air raid offense so lively and quick
The NFL knew this offense was sick
More rapid then dawgs his defense it came
And Wilks whistled, and shouted, and called them by name
Now Schobert, Now Kirksey, and Avery too!
And Vernon and Ogunjobi and the rest of the crew!
Through the Titans o-line going straight for the ball
Now tackles for loss and QB pressures for all
As Browns fans dream of being 4 -2 at the bye
They talk of their quarterback, so accurate and spry
So up to FirstEnergy they walked and they knew
Number six was the man who unlocked the free brew
And then, in a twinkling, we saw on the field
A superstar in the making, the new face of the shield
As fans celebrated the franchise turning around
Down on the sideline, Dorsey came with a bound
He was dressed in a sweatshirt, and of course khaki shorts
He knew his QB would have Tennessee all out of sorts
Baker is the man who moves from the pocket
He sees Hollywood downfield, and delivers a rocket
His eyes — how they twinkled, his confidence scary!
His passes were like bullets, as the Titans grew weary
His audibles were crisp, the play was a go
He plays in the AFC North and will excel in the snow
The muscles on his arms flexed with each throw
He was the teammate of teammates, a beast of a bro
When he threw to his receivers, it him them right in the belly
He and OBJ were on the same page — like PB and jelly
He was nimble and sneaky, a symbol of our Elf
He was stocky and strong, and believed in himself
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
It’s a look that Coach Vrabel surely would dread
He air-drummed during pregame, and then got to work
His stats and his fans prove Colin Cowerd’s a jerk
And laying a dime to any wideout he chose
The dawg pound barked loud, and everyone rose
He is courageous and blue collar, a hope for the city
He is dangerous, he is ours, and boy is he gritty
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove down the field
Whoopty hell to all y’all, your orange and brown hearts have been healed.
Josh Womack is the head writer for Laugh Staff, a Browns season ticket holder, and resides in Cleveland.
