What can we learn about ourselves by exploring who we think we’re not?

Beginning in June, 2023, I’ll be hosting Fear Factor — a learning journey that supports people to explore who they are, and who they might become, by doing something that feels a bit scary, and a bit out-of-character. I’m part of the Huddlecraft host fellowship that supports people to design and host ‘huddles’ around topics that are important and alive for them. Huddles are structures for peer-learning that support people to grow themselves, together. You can find out more about Fear Factor here.

How did I get here? What’s the fascination with what we fear?

I’ve been moulded by and at the whimsy of a narrative of fear for much of my life. As a woman who was socialised as such, a recovering high achiever, and someone with a tendency towards Imposter Syndrome, I can get stuck in cycles of seeing the external world as inherently threatening. My default response is often ‘no’ — no matter the invitation. I’m due a rebellion, and am looking for a group of people to join me.

I’m really excited about the potential of peer-learning, and the opportunity to co-create and co-inquire with people who are also interested in who they might be if they weren’t so defined by who they believe they aren’t.

Past huddles have explored questions like ‘Who am I?’

And, there are elements of the hosting journey that are deeply confronting for me! For example, I’ve been procrastinating starting recruitment for two months now. I recently sat down with my procrastination and asked it what it was about, through a process called ‘immunity to change’. Here’s what I discovered:

1. I am afraid of the amount of time this huddle will take. I’m afraid that it will zap my energy and cause me to feel stressed and overwhelmed.
2. I am afraid that, even as it takes all my energy, I won’t be or do enough to make it a good experience and I will disappoint people.

In digging into how I believe (on a subconscious level) the huddle will play out, my procrastination to begin recruitment makes sense. And, because I am truly excited about the potential impact of the huddle, it makes the fear of potential disappointment that much more alive.

In my logical mind, I can combat these fears. I know from experience that I get a lot out of hosting and facilitating, and I’ve been told that I host groups masterfully. But there is still clearly an unconscious narrative of fear that is running in the background.

I don’t want to be hard on myself (although being hard on myself would be very in character). I have reasons to be wary — we all do. But I want to interrogate those patterns in myself that make it challenging to imagine the best case scenarios, or to say ‘yes!’ to things, even things that I harbour a secret desire to do. Because, while those patterns are absolutely borne of adaptations that have served a purpose in my life, I don’t believe that they are serving me anymore.

Practicing out loud

I am beginning to practice doing things that are slightly out of character — writing this blog, for example, makes me feel queasy if I think about it too hard. I can be plagued with thoughts such as:

• Will people read it and think it inappropriate for the professional realm?
• Will they be made uncomfortable by my honesty about my fears?
• Will people think that I am actually not enough and be disappointed?
• Will they just think I am a total weirdo!?

Even in the discomfort of these thoughts, there is a quieter part of me that wonders if the outcomes just might be positive:

• What if it’s exactly what someone needed to hear in order to interrogate their own limiting beliefs?
• What if I make a new connection and that person turns into a collaborator, colleague or friend?
• What if someone signs up to Fear Factor and becomes a fellow companion on the journey?
• What if it gives me the confidence to try something else that is even slightly more out of character?

While everyone in a Huddle is on a personal learning journey, we’re also part of a community who support and witness one another.

Crossing an edge to learn more

There’s an edge to cross, from a way of being that feels familiar and safe to a way of being that feels foreign and vulnerable. It’s not always wise or necessary to cross this edge — one way of being is not better than another, and certainly feeling out of depth and vulnerable all the time isn’t sustainable.

However, a fear of failure, of not being or doing enough, and a fear of being overwhelmed has, in the past, kept me from engaging in things that I was really curious about. It has robbed me of the process of learning about myself through experimenting with things that piqued my curiosity but were unfamiliar. Fear has been a blocker to discovering alignment, fulfilment, and purpose.

So, I’m on a mission of discovery! What is my relationship to fear? And who might I become if I altered that relationship? What might I learn by consciously engaging with things that I don’t identify with? What do I have to lose, and what might I gain? If these sound like appealing and resonant questions — I’d love to invite you to join me (and 11 others) on the journey! Apply here.

Huddles can be a chance to reconnect with learning and being in community.

And, if there is something compelling here, but you’re not sure if it’s for you, you can join one of the taster events I’m hosting (the first is on March 29!), request to be sent an information pack, or reach out to me on LinkedIn to find out more.