Winning the War of Creativity

The ongoing war between my imagination and my ego

“I’ve spent the last few years learning about the ego and how it shows up in my life. It is elusive. It creeps in important life events and sabotages the scenery.”

I just realized that I design with a chip on my shoulder. I’ve narrowed it down to a few possibilities. The most clear reason is my relationship with my ego. It can be abusive but in a subtle, passive aggressive way. I listen to it talk shit to me everyday, feeding my fertile imagination poisonous seeds of doubt. I’ve spent the last few years learning about the ego and how it shows up in my life. It is elusive. It creeps in important life events and sabotages the scenery. It reminds me why I’m not capable of accomplishing something. Then if things don’t work out it reminds me that it was right. I come up with great ideas then my ego discourages me until the ideas fade and wither away into the air.

“Whenever something is repressed for too long it eventually explodes.”

For years, my ego has shown up in various disguises. I’ve operated below my fullest potential. I’ve been careless in my attention to details. I’ve worked inside confined boxes architected by other people. I’ve slacked on researching and studying my craft. And most of all I’ve questioned my abilities. I’ve created work and been afraid to ship it out fear of rejection. So ideas would stack up and collect digital dust never seeing a share button. This is all a form of repression. And whenever something is repressed for too long it eventually explodes.

“As soon as I get an idea I act on it before my ego has time to react. Once I get started, I hold that idea in my mind, analyzing it from many angles.”

I’ve read a lot of books and articles on productivity over the years. I am an avid fan of 99u.com. I listen to motivational speakers early in the morning while I am working. I have begun a reversal process of filling my mind with positive affirmations. Now, the voice of my ego has no stage to perform. And the most important lesson I’ve learned to defeat my ego is to share. Share my work. Share my thoughts. Share my ideas. As soon as I get an idea I act on it before my ego has time to react. Once I get started, I hold that idea in my mind, analyzing it from many angles. I go to sleep with it and wake up in the middle of the night to check on it. I’ve improved at sharing my work once it’s completed. And now when it’s time to work I know that I am stepping onto a battlefield. I know that every single day my ego is working against me, hurling obstacles from every direction.

“My creative voice is a collective hum of ancestors and spirits.”

So I’ve begun to create with a chip on my shoulder. That seems the most effective way to silence the pessimistic voice of my ego. If I create and ship it out into the world my ego has no room to criticize me. That voice gets smaller and and smaller. Over time it dissolves into ambient white noise. That silence makes space for my creative voice to communicate. My creative voice is a collective hum of ancestors and spirits. They help me to harness the anger and aggression. Sometimes I feel if I don’t have that chip on my shoulder then my thinking and creativity may lose its edge. So I welcome the chips. It makes me feel alive and helps me produce. It quiets the ego and stares it down. And then I get to work.

Idris Talib Solomon is a freelance art director, photographer, and writer. He is a husband and a father. He is a Brooklyn native. And if you forget, he will remind you. You can check out his designs at www.idrissolomon.com. His photography can be viewed at www.isolomonphoto.com. Peace.