How A 5 Year Old Made Me Reconsider Casual Sexism
Darcey, my daughter, recently turned 5 and is attending school for the first year. It has broadened her understanding of the world but also focused her natural inquisitiveness about why things are the way they are. Which is precisely why she turned to me yesterday and said
“Dad, I am not speaking to God.”
Like most parents I murmured an “uh-huh” in response and then, my interest piqued, looked at her intently and asked “Why not?”
“Because there is no Mrs God. That’s not fair.”
Across the room my 3 year old daughter Holly, ever-the-mimic looked back at me under a bushel of curly hair. Her dark eyes were serious as she said “Yes, Daddy, not fair.” She was nodding vigorously in support of her big sister.
I sat back and contemplated what they were trying to say.
I doubt Darcey was saying anything profound regarding the need for a stable relationship or marriage.
The religious angle was merely obfuscating the real issue; in her mind why was the ultimate arbiter in life portrayed as a male? Even the name God is very much considered a masculine term mirrored by it’s opposite Goddess.
The more I think about it the more I find myself wondering if I am doing enough to combat the casual sexism my two daughters, fiancé, mother and female friends face every day?
Am I tacitly enabling an environment which will prevent the women around me from achieving their full potential?
The truth is; I don’t know.
But now I know that I don’t know.
Now I can seek information and take positive steps to reinforce my daughters identities that they can code, they can play, they can build robots and climb and box and yes they too can lead and question.
They are not bossy or tomboys. They are just children. No opportunity will be denied to them simply because they were XX and not XY.
However, on a wider level, it has forced me to confront some of the unique challenges I face as an effective ScrumMaster.
- Am I facilitating and inspiring an environment that women want to be part of?
- Is equality one of the the cornerstones of my team-building?
- Do I appreciate the challenges women in the IT industry have to overcome?
I could do a lot worse than starting with the book Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg the COO of Facebook which has gripped me from it’s opening chapter. When I reposted my thoughts to social media my friend, scholar and fitness addict Lucy Clay also recommended The World’s Wife by Carol Ann Duffy.
This weekend I could not be prouder to be raising two thoughtful daughters willing to question the status quo and stand up for themselves. Being blessed with three children, I hope that their brother will go on to share the same attributes; to question the order of things and face into the world head-on and challenge wherever necessary.
Kids.
If we stop and listen they often say things with the darnedest insight.
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Steven Feeney is an Agile Coach and loves reading, golf and talking startups. He is the founder of Sure Summit Consulting and Slicing Pineapples Creative Agency.
He blogs at stevenfeeney.com and medium; He can be reached via @steven_feeney so don’t be a stranger.
