My long essay to- ‘what is your rationale for being gay’

Yesterday evening (9th September 2016), my phone buzzed and I saw a post on my fan page wall on Facebook. The man who sent the message, like many other like him was not a fan but more of a curious troll.

The question is in the image below

I don’t normally answer questions like this, but last night, while in the bath after a very challenging time at the gym and feeling exhausted. I picked my phone and started typing.

I was exhausted, but it was the exhaustion of being judged by many that took over my mind and finger while in the bath and led me to write this letter of love to this curious troll.

I don’t answer people with this kind of question as I am sure if you can type on Facebook, you can type and research on google about human sexuality. However I am moved by your humbleness in asking the question.

My question is: how much do you think I need in my life to keep me being gay? I am 41 and I came out in 2004 at the age of 29. I was just graduating from university. I was graduating with honours. I graduated with 2.1. I had my future in front of me. So tell me, how much would you give me to throw that to the dogs and come out as gay? Come out as gay in Nigeria of 2004?

You said feelings are supposed to be for opposite sex. One thing missing from your assertion is prove. There is no prove to show that your assertion is true. Who says human feeling is binary? Who says men are to only feel for women and women for men? I can see you missed one thing. In answering that, let me take a step further and go to where you have not been. When God created Adam (this is a fairy tale I don’t buy into), he created a man and a woman. God did not create a man and many woman. Today, we have the justification for polygamy in many religion.

You asked if money is involved. Believe me, if I have been gay for money, I would have been a billionaire by now and I am sure there would have been more gays than straight, I mean, Humans work hard for money, if you can be gay for money, why bother wake up at 6am in the morning.

I bet you, if you know anywhere people are being paid to be gay, please tell me and I will keep it a secret and give 40% of my daily takings.

What really does it mean to be gay for money? Isn’t this sexualisation of same sex relationship? One perpetuated by straight people. The idea that a man can never get a woman’s love without spending on her. Straight people like you transport your reality of relationship to same sex couple.

I mean, how much are lesbian paid to be one? I am guessing we should be talking about sexuality pay gap as well? I mean, I am guessing gays get paid better than lesbians?

Or how much do you want to pay for trans people?

How much do you think my life is worth? Put a price on it.

Maybe you don’t know this but I will be happy to share. I have been beaten many times. Me and my friends. Do your research and ask anyone living in jakande estate between 2003–2007 and they will tell you about Bisi Alimi that lives at Oja bus stop. The one they beat and call names many times. They will tell you with pride in their voices or possibly shame and regrets how many times they have beaten him and his friends.

If they are honest, many of them will also tell you how many times they have come to his house begging for sex.

They will tell you of the nights, he had to run from the bus stop to his house because they were waiting for him.

How many times they have stoned him or humiliated him, by rounding him up, asked him to knee in the middle of the road and ask a group of 13years old to slap and kick him and spit on him and call him names.

Tell me how much you are ready to take to put up with that? Tell me your price and I will pay you everyday to endure such mental and psychological abuse.

How much are you ready to take for family rejection, going from grace to something even lower than grass. From being someone to being no one.

Please tell me your price and I will pay you. I also promise to pay you in pounds considering the naira is rubbish at the moment.

Oh wait! One more thing. You want to know my rationale? It is very simple. My rationale is simple and it is just that “I should not be a victim of your half baked, confused education that is built on sexism, homophobic and misogynistic arrogant ego built on a borrowed culture”.

My rationale is that you respect my privacy, and even if it is for money, respect my right to be an entrepreneur with my body. It is my body and I can do what I want with it.

My rationale is that you learn to know more about yourself because that is the only way you can appreciate me for who I am.

I really appreciate you wanting to know more and asking with so much humility.

But I am tired. I am tired of hearing LGBT from Nigeria crying in my inbox everyday because your very narrow minded hate is killing them.

I am tired of reading suicide messages from young men and women who just want to live their authentic life and not live a lie.

I don’t think that’s too much to ask? You are lucky not to be like me.

You are lucky not to have a rope around your neck at 17 years because you think you are fucked up. You are lucky not to live in a country where everyone sees you from the lens of madness and evil. You are lucky to be ‘normal’.

I am not and I am happy I am not. I really wish my happiness doesn’t depend on your wish and whim. I wish like you, I can love freely. I wish like you, I can cuddle up to my lover at night without having an irony gate as my military protector.

I can’t, because my rationale has no validity in your world.

So next time you have a question, use google. Educate yourself. Ask why you hate. When next you want to ask for my rationale, dear Mr. Olumide Ogunbanwo, maybe you should question your rationale to hate me without knowing me.

Thank you for asking.