Teaching My Son Through My Actions

I’ve always had drive and a hunger to learn more about the subjects that interested me. Of course, I’ve had some hiccups along my journey. I’ve been fired from jobs that I didn’t like. My mother and I were evicted from our homes on a few occasions. But for the most part I’ve been able to achieve many of the goals that I’ve set for myself. The insecure side of me wonders if I’ve accomplished anything meaningful. What if I’ve been aiming for low hanging fruit the whole time? This reminds me of the quote:

“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”

-Michelangelo

And now that I have a two year old son, Talib, this quote resonates with me even more. Many people become parents and decide to play it safe and stop taking risks. If we are not careful, we can use our children as a way to avoid the dreams we once had. As a freelancer, that would mean that I give up my freedom and find a full time job to make sure my family is “secure”. There are obvious benefits to this choice. In no way am I claiming a full time job is a bad thing. Healthcare is important and expensive as shit. And a steady paycheck that you can count on every 2 weeks is comforting. I would be lying if I said these things don’t cross my mind as well. Then I look at my son, with his huge wondrous eyes, and wonder what dreams churn in his imagination. What beauty lies in his unfiltered world? How can my wife and I provide a healthy space for him to envision the full color of his thoughts?

One day it hit me that I can’t talk to him about living the life that he wants and going after his dreams. He will see right through my inspirational speech. I realized that he is going to learn inspiration and dedication through my actions. He is a sponge. He watches and copies what he sees. He is going to wake up everyday and watch his mother and I challenge ourselves. He will observe the struggle and triumph as we move towards our goals. He will watch us clumsily fall and graciously fly. Life in our home will rarely be dull because we will be operating on a different schedule. Our routine will be self regulated.

He will watch us clumsily fall and graciously fly.

Talib got his passport at two and a half months old and flew with us to Jamaica. At 14 months we lived in Dominican Republic for a month where everyday was an adventure. We hopped on and off buses, in and out of cabs. We sailed to smaller islands off the coast. We traveled horseback through the mountains to swim in a remote waterfall. And while many people comment he is too young to remember these experiences, I disagree. He may not be able to recall those experiences but they are now a part of his personality. They are shaping his cultural upbringing. The more we expose him to new experiences the more well rounded he will become. He will have an appreciation for new cultures. He will not fear peoples differences; instead, he will make new connections. The world that we expose him to will be the sculptor of his life. Some of the most interesting people I know have lived ‘abroad’ during their childhood. They seem to have an easier time fitting in to an array of situations. They converse with strangers easily and have an expanded sense of human connection. These are traits that I want to instill in my son. But I can’t do that by succumbing to my fears or to societal expectations. I refuse to give up dreaming. It’s fun. And even more fun is the pursuit of the dream. It is such a great feeling to dream as a family and watch those dreams come to fruition.

It is such a great feeling to dream as a family and watch those dreams come to fruition.

There is no way to know if what we are doing is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. There is no such thing. This is our life to live the way we choose. And Talib will choose the path that he wants to take for himself. All we can do is expose him to as many different ways to live as possible so he understands that he has options. Then he will be in a better place to make a more informed choice. Either way, we will have fun on this journey.

All we can do is expose him to as many different ways to live as possible so he understands that he has options.

Idris Talib Solomon is a freelance art director, photographer, and writer. He is a husband and a father. He is a Brooklyn native. You can check out his work at www.idrissolomon.com and his photography at www.isolomonphoto.com.

Peace.