UCLA Shooting: A Student’s Perspective
Today began just like any other day. I woke up in a cheerful mood, feeling strangely conscious of how amazing it is to be alive. I can remember remarking to my roommate, Sarah, before I left for class, “Isn’t it awesome that your heart is pumping and blood is rushing through your body?! Today is going to be a good day.” We hugged before I left, something that we don’t usually do, because I wasn’t sure I’d see her before I left campus late in the afternoon to travel home for my brother and sister’s graduation. Around 8:30 a.m. , I scrambled to get my things ready for the day and to leave for class. I walked to class listing to the “Have a Great Day!” playlist on Spotify. “Here Comes the Sun” played as I walked up Bruin Walk. I attended my math lecture and hurried over to YRL to meet with my tutor. On my way to the library, I received at Bruin Alert text message: “Police activity vic Engineering Building 4. Avoid area until further notice.” I didn’t think much of this, as I was on the opposite side of campus and these alerts are not out of the ordinary.
When I arrived at the library, I sat down at a table and immediately noticed that I was getting a lot of texts. I excused myself and read the news that would change the course of my entire day. Another Bruin Alert had arrived just 4 minutes after the initial text: “Shooting at Engineering 4. Go to secure location and deny entry (lockdown) now!” Among other messages were texts from my friends and family on campus and at home. My stomach dropped. It didn’t feel real as I told my tutor what was going on. He tried to continue our session, but I was distracted; students were flooding into the library to the 2nd floor where I was. A security guard urged people to go to the higher levels of the library and told us we were going into lockdown, while my tutor continued to try to teach me. My head was spinning and I couldn’t believe what was happening. My heart broke for those closer to the scene and for anyone who may have been injured or killed. When my hour with the tutor was up, I moved away from my spot at a table to a hallway away from the windows. All around me, people were making phone calls and sending texts. Some students reported rumors swirling around campus that there were multiple gunmen and that they were all headed in opposite directions, including at least one headed to the library that I was at. Others took initiative and acted as leaders, working dilligently to keep as many people safe and calm as possible. As I sat, cowering, under a desk, my mind was reeling. The whole situation felt like Code Red drill in elementary school, but the sounds of helicopters flying around outside the building kept me aware that this was a very real threat. I was moved with a group of about 10–15 to a safe room with no windows. We were told to turn off the lights and stay quiet. We were given no details and I feared the worst, that I was in immediate danger: maybe the rumors were true and a gunman was close. As some made weak attempts to barricade the door with chairs, I sat by a small trashcan holding my knees to my chest and taking deep breaths. I received texts that the SWAT team was outside of the library. I thought I was going to throw up for a few minutes. The terror of not knowing what is true and just a rumor was unbearable; not knowing whether you and those around you are going to be safe is painful in a way that I cannot begin to put into words.
Thankfully, the situation was not as horrible as it could have been. It was just a murder-suicide. There’s something wrong with the fact that myself and other students felt a moment of relief at that news. When the lockdown was cleared by members of the SWAT team, we left the library in masses and returned to our dorms, as if we were supposed to just carry on with our day. Although I had never been in immediate danger, the emotions I felt today were very real. You can’t imagine what it feels like to be in this kind of situation until you are in it. I will never forget the feeling of fear that took over my mind on this day: I am not relieved that only 2 lives were lost today. This event never should have happened. These events robbed the population of UCLA students and faculty of their security; our campus was rattled with uncertainty, fear, and evil. I am so grateful that my friends were safe, for the quick response of law enforcement teams, and that more lives were not lost in this tragedy, but this event should not be discounted or downplayed. With final exams approaching, the stress of this is exhausting. How many more lives have to be lost or forever changed by gun violence before something is done? How many more terrified individuals will be placed in lockdown situations in places where they should feel safe? Something has to be done to stop these tragedies from occurring so often.
The irony of how my day began is so surreal. Today will always be a part of my freshman year at UCLA, I will never take feelings of generalized safety for granted again. This was a very hard reminder that life is precious and that you should appreciate every moment that you have, because you never expect something like this to happen to you. Knowing that this event could have been so much worse is absolutely gut-wrenching. This day will continue to weigh deeply in the hearts and minds of those affected in the coming days and weeks. Continue to keep UCLA in your thoughts and prayers as we try to understand and accept this tragedy. #BruinStrong
