Doubting The Giver
Find a way not to reject anything the world gives
The Art of Giving — To have to refuse a gift, merely because it has not been offered in the right way, provokes animosity against the giver. — Friedrich Nietzsche in Human, All Too Human
Dearest Human,
Have you ever? Have you ever worked hard on something you plan to give to someone that meant so much that you were imagining how happy that person would be knowing you’ve made an effort?
People do various things for people they love, for friends they cherish, or simply for the people they appreciate and are grateful for. Mostly the same reason — A giver wants you happy.
A smile won’t hurt — would it?
It is hard to be a giver in today’s era. An Era where people require you to have a reason for everything you do — Plus, you have to give them the right reason. Right is something they accept, to which standards I don’t know.
I don’t have much of a brain — felt like it was drilled from the inside of consistent “whys”. I don’t know how to answer simple questions.
One morning at work I smiled at a co-worker, I tried to look as happy as I could be. He asked me, “Why are you so happy? You seem like you don’t have any problem”. Honestly? The question is still in my head. It feels like it is becoming more illegal to smile outside. Any attempt to try to make people happy needs some kind of a contract — some kind of agreement between parties. In severe cases, maybe soon (I hope not) a third party would be required too. Just in case people forgot, smiling is giving too. It is an individual’s effort to exude positive energy around him. Good thing this is true; “Smiling is STILL contagious.”
A black cake was rejected because it was black and with verses on it.
A box of fireworks made a previous superior call me giving me a warning that it seemed like a threat. (Okay maybe that’s too much)
Human-sized bears were said to be useless.
Books I gave from my favorite author were accused of why I do what I do. A comment to not read things like that was made too.
Consistent whys made me question myself. It took a long time but they finally made a successful hole inside me.
I still want to give. But now I ask myself hundreds of times before I would.
There is something good that happened from it. It made me want to care for myself. Hard lesson but I was able to go from overspending to a saver, able to manage our expenses now than before. I was able to reduce overall consumption which helps too.
If you are a giver don’t let the doubts shun away the spirit of giving. It is painful yes, but if the world rejects whatever you are trying to offer pour it into yourself.
Bad news: To be doubted long-term makes the most trustful person doubt too. I am in a constant battle with all the ropes that are trying to pull me. I’m worried that some of them are trying to save me. FTR, the ropes look the same from here.
