Ponder
Ten Things I asked myself before I decided not to kill myself.
To anyone who wants to give up, Just don’t.
1. Why do you want to do that?
I may never know you. I may never know what is that you are carrying. Even then, I may not fully understand how you feel. “Everything happens for a reason.”, which I think is true. Whether it’s your own doing that brought you here or somebody else’s. Right now, I want you to focus on a good thing. It may be hard searching for something good when you feel like that. See the best when people are at their worst.
Try to focus on yourself, beautifully breathing. You are still alive. And just like everything else, there is a reason why. A purpose. It will be wonderful. Humans are not made for nothing. There is always something beautiful about why we are given this life.
It’s worth knowing, don’t you think?
2. Do you think it will make everything better?
Tempting, to end it that way. It’s hard to find yourself unable to run from your mind, that, I know. Another way, there is. Take hold- thoughts, emotions, those things you feel; you can choose. It may take some time to know but you can know that you can.
Now, I want you to tell yourself, “Everything will be okay.”
Not at once, but gradually, it will be.
3. Have you ever thought about how that can affect others?
A loss of one is a loss of many, the same as with gain. Set aside those people who believe won’t benefit from your wins, I want you to think about those who are happy when you are. If you cannot think of one, then think of me.
We may not know each other, but I want nothing but the best for you. Be happy.
4. Will it resolve everything?
No, it won’t resolve anything. It’s merely passing. Whatever you feel, it’s hard, isn’t it? Do you want others to feel that too? I hope not. We are given pain and hardships to deal with because we can, not put others in a similar state and make them feel those too. I know it’s hard, I know. But I know you can handle that too. Shake those thoughts. Lighten up, tough one.
5. What is it that you want?
Consider yourself lucky if you know. I’m damn old but I can’t think of something I want to be. However, I know what I don’t. I know what I don’t. Whatever that is, I hope you achieve it. I wish you to become someone you want to be.
6. What makes it so heavy?
Anything that looks bigger than you will give too much pressure. Try to break it down into pieces, then begin. It’s easier said than done I know. But it’s a start. Let’s start.
7. How do you want to be remembered?
I don’t know how you want to but I’ll tell you how I will if you still decide to do that. Unable. Not of any skill or ability. You are just unable to see how valuable you are. I may not know you but I want to see how good you are doing the things you love. Just like how we are created uniquely, we have a certain power inside of us. When was the last time you heard someone sing and you just felt more alive just by listening? Have you not longed for a conversation that makes you question all of your beliefs because of someone else’s perception? Don’t you feel drawn to people by simply watching them do the things that make them happy? Someone dancing, someone writing, someone who is explaining something he is passionate about or something he is so sure about, someone who is expressing how she loves someone, someone who is preparing meals for her family. Tons of things someone can do to make you feel and see all the good things people tend to forget. I know you have something there too. If I may, allow me to dare you. Move me.
8. What is the most beautiful thing about life?
Can’t think of any? How about love? Why make a face like that? Sure, it gives the most painful experiences, but it is also the one thing that will get you to accept everything yet still feel well. Have you ever been in love with something or someone that you forgot about yourself? If yes, then you can understand me when I tell you, “If everything is done out of love, there can be pleasure in pain and happiness in difficulties.”
We have to learn how to find it. Find it.
9. Define; Life.
Any living thing, people usually define it that way. I wonder how you see life. Weird as this may seem, anything that makes me feel something, Be it living or non-living, I call it life. Not because it has life, but because it makes me feel more of life.
10. Do you believe in God?
It’s good if it’s a yes. I cannot judge you if it’s a no. It’s usually hardest to believe if you are in your lowest state. But it makes everything easier if you cling to Him. You’ll start believing in yourself again. You’ll meet people who will make you believe in yourself again, A resolution, you may not see now but it will eventually come your way. I may not know you but I want you to know that I believe in you. You are given “that” because God believes in you. You can. You are capable. You just have to believe.
Thank you for reading. 🌷
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