Navigating Challenging Client Relationships

You wrapped up another session with a client who leaves you emotionally drained. Even with your best efforts, the connection feels strained. Conversations go in circles without getting anywhere. Boundaries push limits, and self-doubt sneaks in. Can you — and should you — salvage the relationship?

Assessing the situation. If you don’t like your client, or you’re not gelling at all, it’s important to reflect. Could it be a problem on your end? Here are some factors to consider:

• Incomplete adoption of the treatment by the client.
• Resistance to change from the client.
• Misunderstanding the power difference in your relationship.

Personal compatibility is important. We need to clarify if the issue is about personality clashes or cultural communication styles — yours or theirs. Personal triggers can change how we view client dynamics. But they also show chances to adjust the power balance. True partnership happens when practitioners break down hierarchical beliefs. This process requires cultural humility—an understanding of how payment structures shape roles is also needed.

The Ideal Partnership. A partnership would be the best outcome, but not all clients view it that way. Once they pay you, you might feel like you’re in a subservient role. Cultural views can shape these relationship dynamics.

Coaching or therapy relationships have three broad phases: onboarding, maturity, and transition.

True partnerships go through three clear phases:

• The onboarding dance is where roles are negotiated.
• The maturity grind requires ongoing effort.
• The transition crossroads, where growth calls for separation.

Recognising which phase you’re in dictates whether to repair or release.

Each phase has the potential for you to proactively nurture or reactively repair. You can actively use different techniques or habits to support clients at each stage. If not, what techniques or habits do you adopt as part of deliberate practice?

During onboarding, can you clarify expectations for collaborative roles beyond just payment? Your client relationship moves from onboarding to “maturity.” Can you recognise stagnation in the relationship with your client?

Disconnects may reveal themselves in subtle ways. You may pick up these disconnects and take them to supervision. Supervisors may suggest ways to recalibrate connection with your client. Sometimes, the signs of disconnect are so subtle that it is worth checking in with your client. So can you schedule check-ins to surface disconnects early? I often ask clients at the end of the session:

“Is there anything I could have done better or differently for you today?”

The transition phase builds on what has worked. It focuses on keeping change going, preparing for setbacks, and promoting client independence. It normalises referrals and naturally occurring client relationship terminations as evolution, not rejection. Endings, even ethical ones, carry a feeling of loss.

Acknowledging the disconnect. Sometimes, you won’t click at all. Many coaches and psychologists agree that they don’t always match well with a client. They often encourage clients to find a coach or psychologist who suits them better.

This is a very subjective space, and we should treat it respectfully. Not every relationship will last.

Reflect before you decide. Take a moment before you give up on your client or suggest they find someone else. Ask yourself: Is something within you being triggered? Is it something you can adjust or rethink?

Many client relationships can be tough. But if you feel something inside you, it’s worth exploring. Getting help from a supervisor or a peer can make a difference. A supervisor or peer might offer a soft suggestion about parts of you that feel rigid or inflamed. This could affect your relationship with your client.

Decoding silence: When a client is quiet, it signals fear vs. disengagement. Your client might have a specific communication method, such as a 30-minute nonstop monologue. They might also exhibit intense distress or a confrontational or cynical style.

When dialogue stops, clients might speak a lot to avoid being vulnerable. They may also shut down to stay in control. In these cases, ask: Is this due to a skill gap, like a limited emotional vocabulary, or a systemic issue, such as workplace stigma against seeking help?

You might want to join the conversation in a more balanced way rather than feeling talked at. This is part of the dynamics you might experience as a coach or psychologist.

You might be doing most of the work while the client stays quiet. This can be draining, so it’s important to acknowledge it. After all, both of you, especially the client, need to be doing the heavy lifting.

Does your collaboration feel one-sided? How can you tell if the resistance is temporary or if there are deeper issues, even after you change your approach? Clients may go on and on to avoid vulnerability or shut down to keep control. This point shows that when communication fails, it leads to severe misalignment.

Before calling a disconnect irreparable, think about David Peterson’s Development Pipeline. What we see as client stubbornness might be a lack of insight or unsafe conditions for change.

Is your client ready for change? What is the outcome of coaching or psychology? Change. In 2006, David Peterson created a Development Pipeline. This concept is a fantastic way to assess your client’s readiness for change. Could your client have the will to change but not the skill? Could you perceive a disconnect where the client feels like they have one foot on the accelerator … and one on the brake instead?

There are five parts of the Development Pipeline for you to explore:

1. Insight happens when clients see the gap between what they do now and what they need to change for growth. This realisation can be hidden by defensiveness or cultural blind spots.

2. Motivation grows when clients accept the discomfort of change. They see it as a needed investment, not a burden. This shift requires them to nurture their intrinsic ‘why’.

3. Capabilities connect intent to action. We must give clients tools that fit their thinking styles and job situations.

4. Real-world practice turns theory into instinctive skills. Clients need to feel safe to make mistakes while trying new things.

5. Accountability sparks change with systems clients create. Examples are peer check-ins, progress reporting by the client to the coach or therapist, and public commitments. These tools make slipping back seem more costly than moving forward.

Tweaks to one or more aspects of this pipeline may help your client get back on track. We also acknowledge the emotions—like fear—that play a role in your “selling change” to your client.

When do you refer a client? Sometimes, it’s important to refer a client. Here are some reasons to consider this:

• You see a dual relationship in therapy or coaching.
• You face boundary issues.
• The client continually crosses boundaries.
• The clients’ needs go beyond your skills.

If you feel someone is in danger, especially a child, it’s crucial to break confidentiality. Check your profession’s code of ethics first. When someone is at risk, it’s a serious issue that requires more than referring them to a colleague.

For some issues about boundaries or your confidence, it’s acceptable to ask for help. Many clients request reports or need assessments in areas where you may lack skills.

For example, you may not know if someone is ready for gender reassignment surgery. Thus, they should be referred to an expert who can support and prioritise the client’s care.

Preparing for tough conversations. Prepare some referrals and be ready to explain your reasons to the client clearly. Knowing the ethical guidelines can help during this tough conversation. This way, you can be sure you are acting within your professional limits. Your boundaries don’t have to face constant challenges.

Ending a relationship can feel like failing. Seeing it as stewardship means helping clients find better places to grow. This shifts referrals from a retreat into a professional duty.

Curate referrals like a sommelier pairs wine. Match client needs to a colleague’s expertise. Frame the transition as ‘graduation’ instead of rejection. You might say:

“You have outgrown what I can offer. We need someone to help you at your new level and needs.”

Supporting your client’s care. Your client will find a better fit to help them on their journey. It’s a tough chat, but it can help you avoid burnout later. This ensures you’re at ease with your clients.

Some clients need crisis care, and some may need a more detailed support plan. This could involve a team of helpers or ongoing help for longer than you can offer.

Some clients in coaching might not connect with you. They may prefer a coach with a different style that suits them better.

Be honest with yourself about what works and what doesn’t. First, ask if the issue is with you. Then, seek supervision. This can help you adapt and build a better relationship with your client, but this isn’t always true.