The Zen of Client Care: Mastering the Pre-Session Ritual
How might executive coaches and leading Psychologists prepare for clients?
On Saturday mornings, I like to follow a pre-game before work. I tend to be bleary-eyed when seeing my clinical clients, as we start early in the morning. Clients are sometimes keen and will arrive about half an hour early. This puts me in a pickle with my pre-game. I’ve learned to invite them into the office and then have them sit in the foyer. I’ll close my clinic session room door and start my pre-game activities. This healthy boundary means I’m ready to see the client when their session is about to start. I feel rushed, which is not ideal for anyone.
Feeling rushed impedes my capacity to hold space for the client. I need to feel a good balance to hold space for the client. Despite clients sometimes turning up early, I find a way to prepare mentally. The trip to the clinic is a “third space” for me to adjust between home and clinic. Other habits include (for me) a beautiful iced coffee and some cheese on crackers. Hopefully, I’m not oversharing here! I just wanted to share parts of my humanity — I love my iced coffee and crackers first thing. It’s been my pre-game on Saturday mornings for as long as I can remember. Nothing stops me from sipping my iced coffee with clients — no need to gulp the thing down before the first client. I am more balanced if I feel relaxed (an iced coffee helps). As long as I am present with my client, this is OK. I feel differently about seeing coaching clients with an iced coffee in hand, especially for online work—different approaches for different circumstances. Yet a solid pre-game works wonders.
Preparation to ‘join the dots’. I read my previous notes about my client, calmly scanning for key points to raise today. I may jot down a few points about their progress since the last session. For tricky cases, I might read the notes days before. This gives my mind time to develop ideas for today’s session. Mental prep is essential. But so is emotional prep. I must feel relaxed and balanced in my body. So, if my body, emotional, and mental state are ready and balanced, I’m prepared to serve my clients.
Balance. You’ll notice that I use the word balance a lot, and that’s quite important. Balance means that I don’t give too much energy to my client, nor do I sit back and play a mental ticker box with my client. The best balance is to find the right energy to give your client. That energy should guide your presence. You should not be overly helpful or try too hard for results. You empathize with your clients but don’t sympathize with them. The latter is crucial. You must not tip fully to your client’s view. Stay balanced. Weigh your client’s perspective against the bigger system they may be stuck in.
Being of service requires proper balance. I want to be helpful but not give the answers. The former is balanced. We can reflect on the client’s predicament and gently help them connect the dots. We must acknowledge their readiness to change. We must also consider how they might perceive your reflection of their predicament. Giving answers comes from a state of imbalance. It is being the rescuer or the persecutor. It assumes the client is a victim who needs rescuing or judging. Neither view is helpful. It’s better to believe you are both capable adults. You are working together to solve a problem.
Being useful — not giving the answers. But back to reading up on my client’s notes. The notes help me connect the dots between sessions. If I work backward to the first session with my client, I might see patterns in their behaviour or views. I can then call those out in the upcoming session. Very occasionally, my train might run late. I might not have the luxury of this time. But, I remember to centre myself as best as possible. I do this to have a balanced perspective as a therapist or a coach. I might also be late due to my Zoom meeting or tech issue.
Either way, I can take a breath and find my balance. It’s essential before I meet my client. Box breathing is an excellent way to prepare my body and mind and a terrific way to centre myself. I check my body’s feelings before a session and with a client. It reveals valuable data. I may have slept poorly last night. My body will show it. I may be foggy, grumpy, and irritable. I may also feel a bit blue.
Being of service. I do like to reflect on my values. One is to be of service. It means putting my ego aside and serving the client. That helps me switch off from any irritability or sadness. I also like to do box breathing and loosen my shoulders and body tension. This grounding is breathwork. It helps my parasympathetic nervous system. So, I feel calmer and more present. It also helps me focus on my body. When I do, I can relax and shake off any tension.
What I want to be is floppy and relaxed yet alert. The breath clears my mind. I shake my shoulders, flap my wrists, and shake my legs. I also check for tension in my major muscle groups. I will focus on my jaw and neck. Then, I’ll relax my scalp and any tension in my cheeks and face. I’ll do this after three rounds of box breathing. This means breathing into my belly to a count of four, holding for four, and then exhaling for four. I’m in a better state. Other types of breath work can stimulate the vagus nerve. This might include a shudder on an exhale, a longer exhale than an inhale, or breath-holding — even a big sigh counts.
Preparing my body and mind. Mental and physical preparation before seeing clients gives me balance. I think of tennis players who bounce their tennis ball twice before throwing it into the air. And it’s at that very point that they become mentally ready. It’s after they have bounced the ball twice and then grasped it. And just before they throw the ball into the air, they are mentally ready. Also, some bodywork can be done before a client. This could be standing up and holding a Superman pose. I’ve done this in the bathroom from time to time. It helps when I’m not feeling confident or balanced. The Superman pose might seem ridiculous. But no one can see it. So, I shake out my arms and shoulders. I want to feel loose and flexible. I need to bounce back from anything that might unbalance me. There is a point in my pre-game where I know I’m ready.
“Good enough”. Good enough — two powerful words helping the human race? Why? April Bowlby is one of the key contributors to psychology. Bowlby came up with the idea of attachment styles and how they impact our lives. Bowlby spoke of parenting — namely, “good enough parenting”. Yet “good enough” applies to mental preparation for coaches and psychologists. Many of our colleagues in this space have perfectionist tendencies.
So “good enough” may not sit comfortably with you, nor other coaches or psychologists. Yet, “good enough” helps you. It gives you balance and presence for your client. A six out of ten prep beats a nine. With a six, you have the energy to be present for your client. So, too, with the breath work and the focus on being of service. If I feel reasonably prepared for my client, that is good enough. I don’t need to overprepare. I don’t need to have reams of paper with exercises, and I don’t need to check on homework. If the client does homework or between-session work, that’s great. Yet, quite often, they don’t, and that’s okay. I greet my client with no expectations. I have my notes ready and am completely engaged.
The session may not go as planned. It might not follow a neat, structured treatment plan. That would fit a medical or coaching model, which sounds ideal. But my pre-game lets me work with serendipity.
Serendipity arises when my pre-game routine carefully prepares my body and mind. It also focuses on why I coach or provide therapy for this client. This “why” helps me link the client’s strengths and challenges to what keeps them stuck.
These insights may be gently introduced in sessions. Then, they may hold them up for the client to see if they resonate. This is my pre-game. It’s imperfect; other coaches or psychologists may have a different pre-game. Yet, it works for me.
