How Feeling Envy Made Me A Better Human
Begin to see and use envy as a useful, valuable emotion.
You mind if I keep it human with you? I hope so, because I want share a story about how feeling envy (yes envy) offered me really deep self growth.
I was on the phone with a close friend yesterday and she asked about how I’ve been feeling. I have been moving through some health upsets and it has all stirred up a lot for me. I haven’t felt like my vibrant, life-engaged self in months.
I shared with her that lately its been quite interesting talking with friends, asking how they are and hearing how much they are completely living in their lives. Experiencing beautiful things, thriving and how they all just feel “above the weather.” The opposite of how I’ve been feeling.
I told her that I genuinely feel excited for them, their blessings and the great things they are experiencing. But there are also moments where I feel like “Man, I do feel happy for them, but I also don’t want to hear any of this right now. I want to get off the phone or stop texting, immediately.”
As I shared that with her, I felt my anxiety rise and I began to sweat. Because you’re NOT supposed to feel that feeling…right? Not supposed to admit that out loud, or even to yourself…right? You’re a low life, non-adjusted, insecure human if you feel that…right?
And in that moment of silently spiraling, my friend said “Yup, and you get to feel that my friend.” Just like that, I was able to take a deep breath; I felt completely seen. She followed that by telling a story of her recently having the same, fleeting feeling.
And she named it….envy.
When she named it, if gave me permission to name it for myself.
If we look to social media or just society in general, envy is often labeled as a “no no” emotion. Or a reason for people to abandon you because there is an assumption that means you have bad intentions for them. So we feel shame when we feel envy. Even if the feeling is fleeting, we’re scared and ashamed to name it and feel it.
Because of that, I held my breath telling my truth to a friend who loves me, because I was afraid of what she might think of me. I was afraid of what I would believe it meant about myself if I said it out loud.
But turns out...she’s human too. So she understood immediately and could also identify with it in her own experience. And because she is so anchored in honoring her own humanness, she made a safe space for me to honor mine. And for that, I am grateful. It also helped me remember…
Every emotion is useful — even envy.
I don’t wish my friends harm. I don’t hope they lose what they have. I have no plan to try and sabotage anything they have going on. I have not one bad intention. It’s just what I feel in this moment, because of what I am experiencing in my own life and how I have chosen to navigate it up to this point. Nothing more, nothing less.
It’s not even about them, its about me. And quite frankly, if envy wasn’t something we’re supposed to experience and learn from at some point, it wouldn’t exist in the spectrum of human emotions. Getting a chance to admit how I feel out loud, as just a feeling, I now get to ask myself some questions.
Like…
In what ways have I been putting my life on hold because I’m going through something really challenging?
And how has that contributed to feeling how I feel when I hear about how engaged my friends are in their lives?
And in turn, within my physical limitations, how can I begin participating in my life again, even as I navigate through this time?
Those are the questions that feeling envy, this seemingly negative, off limits emotion, allowed me to bring forth. Feeling envy, birthed deeper self awareness. I happen to think that’s dope!
So here is my reminder to you. There would be nothing to learn, no way to evolve or accumulate self awareness if we don’t face the spectrum of emotions we feel as human beings. To champion yourself for feeling one emotion, then shame yourself when you feel another, is dismissive to your full ass human self and experience.
Your relationship with the emotion is where the power lies, not in the emotion itself. It’s okay to admit and name what you feel. And I hope that you have people around who support you, in being human. That’s what we all need. And we need it, right now. If you don’t have a person like that to support you, know that I’m one of them.
Take a deep breath with me.
I hope you take this message with you.
Spread it to someone you love.
Mel The Oracle is a mentor, yogini, voice artist, writer and host of the Full Ass Human Podcast. After initiating a business sabbatical in march 2022, she began to explore a re-dedication to her many passions. She supports her listeners and readers by vulnerably modeling humanness, teaching by living and reminding them to invite all dimensions of themselves to the table.
