Is it Selfish Not to Have Kids?

Society teaches us it is.

Miss Li and Miss Rain, practicing with their maternal instincts. Image created by author.

I was on the phone with my mother the other day and we started talking about someone I knew who had gotten “the fix” without having had any kids yet.

“I just can’t understand that,” she said. “Like, maybe you have one kid and you’re like, no way am I going to do this again, but how can you decide there’s no way you’re going to have any without ever trying it? Some people can be so selfish!”

And I found myself a bit shocked. My mother thinks it’s selfish to not have children? For a grown woman to make that decision for herself? I have enough children to people a basketball court; and I applaud any woman who doesn’t want to deal with what I deal with on a daily basis, and stands by that decision.

I thought my mother was more open-minded than that.

“I mean, I guess it’s better for someone to recognize that about themselves than it is to have a child they aren’t going to end up taking care of,” she added after a second.

And it dawned on me, my mother was indoctrinated with the old-fashioned belief that it is a woman’s job to have children, and not to do so is selfish. She has spent more of her life than years I’ve been alive absorbing and believing this message. I’ve spent the past four years reading alternate perspectives…