Member-only story
Putting My Ghost to Rest
Snake’s Last Story
June 2023
He looks older than he did the last time I saw him. Eyes tired and face lined. He says he didn’t sleep last night.
The energy drink perks him up; I am surprised at how animated he becomes. I suppose I shouldn’t be.
“My meds kinda stopped working,” he confesses to me. “It’s OK,” I say, although it’s not like he was seeking my approval. It’s not unheard-of for medication which has reliably been doing its job to suddenly stop doing its job.
I can tell. He is more erratic than he has been in the past — but still very much himself — interrupting himself, playing snippets of songs and video clips. Talking to all the kids and Jester and me all at the same time. I have trouble keeping up.
He takes the kids outside to walk through the woods at Jester’s suggestion. “You don’t think he’ll get tired of them?” I ask, peering out the window.
“Nah,” Jester says, “besides, I could tell you needed a little bit of quiet.”
Snake has isolated himself for so long. The weeks will slip by after today without a word from him again and it will make me wonder — is he so afraid of how people perceive him? Does he feel like he has forgotten how to act around people? Is he simultaneously craving attention and avoiding it? And me — is he afraid I won’t want him anymore if I get the chance to really see him?
He has little quirks that either didn’t exist before, or that the meds hide. Somehow, he reminds me in a way of the tree spirits in Princess Mononoke, turning their heads sideways and chattering; appearing and then vanishing again. He’s a little ghoul, a voice in my head says.
Yes, I answer, but he’s my ghoul.
He mentions again the metronome in his head. I wonder if the metronome is a friend, a mere nuisance, or something more sinister. I suspect he tries to drown it out a lot, but I could be wrong.
He plays me an audio clip of the Columbine shooting. “This is from inside the library,” he tells me. Where Eric and Dylan ended their rampage, sat against the walls across from each other, and finally ended their own lives.
